Dementia

My 92, almost 93, year old Grandma has dementia.  At times it can be very frustrating.  For instance, she asks the same thing over and over.  She often doesn't remember that she has just done something five minutes ago.  She wants to argue that she knows she has had a ruler on her little table and cannot understand that I would know if she did or not. 

While it can be very frustrating and trying, it can also be a beautiful thing.  She is now at the point where she doesn't realize she doesn't know as much, which can be a good thing.  It's very frustrating to realize you are forgetful and that you don't know as much as you once did.  It is a wonderful thing to see what she does remember, because it gives you a glimpse into what is most important to her: family.  She always remembers that her daddy called her "Sister Sue" and that is just about the sweetest thing I've ever heard.  When I'm old and gray and someone asks me if I had any nicknames growing up I hope I say, "My daddy always called me Mutt."

When we were home over the break we had a lot of time to spend with Grandma.  She wasn't quite sure what to think of our dog, Tumnus.  She would say, "Come 'ere!" and then tell him to "Get down" when he would come up to her chair.  One night while we were just sitting around in my parents' living room I told her that the puppy would sit on her lap if she would let him.  Her eyes lit up and she said, "He would?" 

I put him on her lap, with his favorite blanket of mine, and what followed will forever be one of my most precious memories of my grandma.

She has never been a singer and as best as I can remember, I've never heard her sing until that night.  My brother, mom, and my dad could not really remember her ever singing before either.  Without dementia, I don't know if I would have ever got to hear my grandma sing the sweetest little lullaby to my puppy.

I have finally uploaded the video to YouTube today to hopefully brighten someone's day.  It sure brightens mine.  It's rather long, a little over ten minutes, but if you have time to watch it you will understand why my brother and I love this woman so much. 

If you don't have ten minutes in your day, you are a terrible person.  Not really, but if you don't then here are a few of my favorite parts.


2:00-2:30
3:10-3:45
4:15-5:00
5:40-6:50
8:10-9:30
10:20-10:30

If you have a grandma nearby, hug her.
If my grandma is near you, definitely hug her for me.


Xoxo,

Nicole 

Courage

Yesterday was something.  It began with a 5 a.m. wake up call from my dog who would not lay down and go to sleep. He was too interested in finding our guest and his dog.  I am not very good at waking up and then falling back asleep so I laid there until about 7 a.m.

Kyle then left at about 7:30 a.m. with his friend for a seminar that was until 5:30 p.m.  I was left on dog duty.  I was told if I needed to leave the house to leave the dog outside and just put something in front of the door so he couldn't scratch the door.  I needed to go to the store to get some groceries, so I put the dog outside, put the mower in front of the door, and left the yard by way of my gate.  At this point I step on a rotten hard-boiled egg.  How it got there, I will never know because we don't even have hard-boiled eggs.

I went back in my house to grab my keys, wallet, and phone when I heard the LOUDEST commotion out by the gate.  My first thought is that this dog is freaking out that I left and he is jumping on the gate trying to break it down.  I go outside to find that I was somewhat right; however, he was not jumping on the gate.  The dog was very close to digging a hole deep enough to slide under.  So, now it's 7:45 a.m., I've almost lost a dog that is not mine, and I've stepped on a rotten hard-boiled egg.

I decided to just forget about the dog scratching the door because I'd rather him scratch the door than escape on my watch.  I then moved the mower and a trash can in front of the gate on his side and put an old coffee table on the other side.  I left for the store and returned to find that my barricade had worked so far.

I decided to go back and lay in bed for a little bit and watch a movie with Tumnus to see if I could get in a little nap when I see that a spot he had on his leg had formed a ring around it.  He developed this spot on Wednesday so I sent Kyle a picture of the newest development and he said, "Find a vet."  I called the first one and no one was available so I moved on to another vet.  They only had one vet there but she agreed to squeeze Tumnus in.

He and I headed to Main Street Veterinary (which by the way is not even close to Main Street) and we began filling out paperwork.  He was clearly scared as he sat as close as possible to my chest in the chair as we waited for the vet.  We went back and the tech checked his weight, temperature, and looked at the spot.  She then left us to wait for the vet.  She came back a minute later and said the vet was on the phone with a patient and would be in soon.  I could hear the vet on the phone and she had the most calming voice and I knew immediately that I would like her. 

After waiting for a while, the vet came in to take a look at Tumnus.  She asked how to say his name and when I said it she looked at him and said, "Are you a Narnian?"  At that point, I didn't care how much she knew about veterinarian medicine.  She knew Mr. Tumnus was a Narnian, so she was okay in my book. 

She looked at his leg and found other spots that I hadn't seen and decided to do a skin scrape to test for yeast and mites.  He was so good, even when they put him on his back.  He HATES being on his back.  He becomes rigid and fights against it with all his might.  She took a look at the samples and said there was no yeast and it didn't look like mites.   She put him on Clavamox, an antibiotic, and said we should see it clear up in 3-5 days.  I was relieved it was not something bigger. 

As we were waiting to pay for the visit, a couple came in with the tiniest, cutest, little black female dog.  She was terrified.  The man had her in his arms and she was crawling all the way up his chest and onto his shoulder.  They explained that she had showed up on their doorstep and they were coming to see if she was microchipped.  I didn't get to see whether or not they got to keep her, but she was the sweetest little dog. 

Tumnus and I left to grab some lunch on the way home.  It was a beautifully sunny day yesterday so I rolled the window down and let Tumnus put his head out after being cooped up in the vet's office for two hours.  He seemed to really enjoy it, so we took the long way home.  We had lunch and then began prepping for the small group I was going to attend later.  I was told maybe 10 girls would be there so I wrote out my recipe on ten little cards to take to the small group. 

It was not long before I realized it was time to start cooking.  I prepared the Chile Relleno Casserole and put it in the oven to bake for 45 minutes.  Tumnus and I watched a movie and did our hair while we waited on the casserole to bake.  The closer it got to being done, the more delicious my house smelled.  Yum, nothing better than the smell of green chile.  After 45 minutes, I took it out of the oven and it looked delicious.

I continued getting ready all while texting Kyle about my nerves.  He reassured me that it would be fine and my dish would tasted good.  I left for the small group at a time when I knew I would arrive at least five minutes late to give others a chance to get there first.  I arrived at the house and immediately regretted joining the group.  I just felt very overwhelmed and uncomfortable when I pulled up to a house with children running in and out.  I called Kyle really quick to have him talk me out of wanting to leave and he did.

I got out of the car and walked up to the house, hoping that at least one other girl would be there, but that was not the case.  I was the first one to arrive and sat there for another 15 minutes before anyone else showed up.  The second lady to show up was the best friend of the host and I felt so awkward.  The host kept saying things like, "I hope other people show up."  Ummmmm, ya, so do I.  She said she was expecting about 8 ladies to be there.  It ended up being 5 ladies plus the host. 

All of the women there were older and had many children between the five of them.  I was the only one without children and I just felt very out of place.  Like, I love children, and they are definitely cute sometimes, but when somebody goes on and on about their kid that I don't know as if I do know them, I get very bored.  The other awkward part was out of 6 women, 4 were already friends with history. 

Have you ever hung out with a group of people who all either go to the same school, work at the same job, or come from the same small town?  If you have and you don't go the school, work at the job, or come from the same small town you know exactly how I felt.  It's awkward and boring to sit and listen to stories that you don't know.  It's not an easy way to engage in conversation.  You end up sitting there and just listening, never really having an opportunity to join in.

Sidenote:  If you are a hostess and this starts happening, stop it.  It's very uncomfortable for the new people. 

The night went on, we ate the food we brought, the host talked for about 20 minutes about her sorted past.  Again, not engaging the new people and leaving me to just sit and listen.  We then played Apples to Apples.  It's an alright game but it is not by any means a kick in the pants.  I was at the point where I wanted to go so badly that I was monitoring who was close to winning and trying to make them win so the game would be over. 

I said nice to meet you, grabbed my leftovers, and was out of there.  Needless to say, it was kind of a bust for me, but I am not giving up.  I have e-mailed the director of small groups to see if she can point me in the right direction to find a small group with younger girls who might be closer to my stage in life.  So now I wait to see what she says and I pat myself on the back for baking the dish, driving to the stranger's house, getting out of the car, being the first one to arrive, making what little conversation I could, staying to play the game, and just giving it all a shot.

Today has been much calmer.  I woke up at 7 a.m. instead of five, attended church solo, ran a few quick errands, and now just plan on relaxing today.

I will leave you with this quote:

"Courage is grace under pressure." - Ernest Hemingway

Xoxo,

Nicole  (and Tumnus)

A Life That's Good

Hi, do you watch Nashville?  If the answer is no, you are missing out.  I think I watch the show more for the music which is strange for me to say because if you know me well, you know country is my least favorite music.

On the show there are two characters, Maddie and Daphne, who sing together and make me incredibly happy.  They are played by sisters Lennon and Maisy Stella.  The fact that the little one can harmonize the way she does almost makes me mad.  : )  In a good way, of course.

Anyway, they sing a song on the show called "A Life That's Good" and I love the words to it.  It is my current anthem; especially the following part:

Sometimes I'm hard on me,
When dreams don't come easy,
I wanna look back and say,
I did all that I could,

Yeah at the end of the day, Lord I pray,
I have a life that's good.

Two arms around me, heaven to ground me,
and a family that always calls me home,

Four wheels to get there, enough love to share,
and a sweet sweet sweet song.

At the end of the day, Lord I pray, 

I have a life that's good.

Jesus is all that matters to me in this world and if I keep him at the center of my life, what else do I really need.  Everything good about my life is just the overflow of his love for me:  My husband, my family, and my friends.

Life is good and here is a little update on life:

We are  s t i l l  waiting on the loan.  This time it is not anything to do with the bank, but rather with LegalZoom.  My brother told me to blame Robert Shapiro, but he is only one of the founders of LegalZoom and is too old for me to be mad at.  The whole process with LegalZoom has been enlightening and has come with an age old moral:  Don't use LegalZoom.  Clearly that is not a real saying, but you can be sure it will be in the Gray Household.  If we have gained anything out of our experience with LegalZoom it will the experience to warn others about.

We have been looking at a property that used to be an old church.  We loved it, la, la, la, but a potential problem arose when we called the City of Norman to see if we could use the property as a chiropractic office.  Apparently it is zoned as residential.  Kyle was a little bummed that this roadblock occurred, but I gently reminded him what he has told me since we began planning this adventure in November of last year:  "If it's meant to be, it will happen.  God shuts doors in order to open others."  

Yesterday, we looked at a property that we drive by all the time and that had really caught my eye when we were first looking last year.  It is closer to our house than the other.  It is on a busier street than the other.  We looked at the inside and immediately I could visualize the potential of the space.  This is normally a difficult task for me.  I am not good at looking at nothing and seeing what it could be.  The last tenants used it as a start up church and bless their hearts, should stick to ministry and not venture off into interior design.  The colors were enough to make you turn around and walk back out, but like I said, I saw the potential right away.  

This office is located right across from another chiropractor and so the ball is pretty much in his court.  The real estate agent was going to talk to the owner and ask her to contact him to see if he would have any problem with us moving in across from him.  We were told the owner would rather have a vacant space than not do right by her preexisting tenants.  We completely understand and owe him that courtesy.  We just hope he says, "Come on over!"  This is something you can say a prayer about if you are a praying person.

We have already committed to getting more involved in a church here in Norman and are already seeing the fruit of this commitment.  We met the pastors wife on Wednesday and she is ready to be our first patient!  We have actually met a few people who have told us to let them know when we open so they can come in to see Kyle.  

We joined a small group for married couples and attended the first one last night.  We sat by a really sweet couple, Erin and Bretten.  They too just moved here in January from Missouri (Springfield area) and they are just the nicest couple.  They have been married 8 years and have 2 little girls.  We talked with them and answered discussion prompts about everything from who had the most fun at our wedding to what our dream vacations would be.  We went around the circle and shared how long we had been married and what we felt our relationship was like out of five choices:  Kiddie Ride, Merry Go Round, Bumper Cars, Roller Coaster, or Tunnel of Love.  Out about 15 couples, we were the only ones to say Tunnel of Love.  We were also one of two couples without kids, so who knows?  

I am excited about this group because it is difficult to find married couples to hang out with, but also because with all the experience in the room we are bound to learn from each other.  One couple said they were Bumper Cars and that their marriage is not the best right now, which is why they were giving this group a shot.  I can only pray that it does help and that they stick together.

I also joined two other small groups that are just for women.  One is cooking/crafts and the other is just crafts.  The cooking/crafts one meets for the first time tomorrow and it will be a cooking night.  We are supposed to bring our favorite Mexican dish and the recipe.  I am bringing Green Chile Casserole. One, because it has green chile, which runs through New Mexican veins and two, because it is simple.  My anxious little heart has worried about tomorrow off and on since I found out the first meeting will be tomorrow.  This is mainly because I do not like the unknown.  

This is me really stepping outside of my comfort zone because I will be venturing to a strangers' house on my own to meet up with more strangers.  This too is something you could pray for.  I know that if I want to make friends here, I have to step out there more and not be a hermit.  Being a hermit is something that I enjoy a lot but I also enjoy relationships.  

I am meeting my parents in Las Vegas in a week to see Celine Dion with my mom.  I am looking forward to this not only because I'm seeing Celine in Vegas, but also because I enjoy getting to see my mom and dad.  The last time I saw them was good but centered around a funeral, so it will be nice to see them for a more joyous occasion.

I miss my Grandma very much.  It is the most I've missed her in all these years I've lived far from home.  I've pinpointed why I miss her so much and it is because I do not talk to her every day anymore and haven't since her memory took such a turn.  It's very difficult to have conversations with her on the phone because she cannot hear very well or really remember anything.  I miss calling her every day and hearing her say, "Hi, hun, how are yooouuu?  She's a doll and I know it's just part of life but there are definitely things you wish you could hold on to forever and she is one of them.

I am beyond ready to start a family.  I don't know if it is because of one thing or a culmination of things but I just feel so ready that I could explode.  It does not help that every one I know is pregnant.  I've always thought that children are cute; I was a nanny for a living, but more than ever I find myself staring at babies out in public and wanting one myself.  I know the time will come when God is ready and for that I am thankful because there are a ton of aspects of pregnancy/parenthood that scare me to the core.  

I was a little bummed when I was originally told that my maternity coverage would not go into affect for 12 months from when I buy the policy, but we met with our insurance agent on Sunday and she told me that a 12 month waiting period was no longer the case.  Hallelujah.  I was thrilled when she said that because just knowing I have more of an option is wonderful.  

Well, this ended up being a lot longer than I had intended and I know a certain puppy that would probably enjoy some Vitamin D.  I pray all who read this are happy and healthy.  

Xoxo,

Nicole