Doesn't everyone chase their dog around the house with tears in their eyes while Avril Lavigne's "Here's to Never Growing Up" is blaring in the background? No? Hmmm . . . that is really the state of my emotions lately. The smallest thing can make me cry at the drop of a hat. For instance, just earlier this week I was listening to "Wake Me Up" by Avicii and boom! tears. Why? Duh. He sang, "I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands. Hope I get the chance to travel the world, but I don't have any plans. Wish I could stay forever this young; not afraid to close my eyes . . . So wake me up when it's all over; when I'm wiser and I'm older. All this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost. I didn't know I was lost." Seriously, if I were one of Snow White's dwarfs, my name would be Weepy.
There are a LOT of changes coming in the next few months and I do feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. There are necessary things we need to do and then there are other things that are not so pressing, but have to be done at some point.
1. We have to sell our trailer (in the next three months).
2. I have to pack up all of my stuff. I'm not hoarder status, but yes, I'm sentimental. Which means I have a lot of what most people would call junk.
3. We have to decide where we will be living and what Kyle will be doing. (Associate, start his own practice, or buy an existing practice). I think we have this somewhat narrowed down and if we end up doing what we think we will do, there is A LOT of work that comes with that.
4. Once we find out where we are moving to, we have to find a place to live. I've been going on Zillow lately just seeing what housing is available in the areas we are thinking of and it's kind of just eh. You know like not, "Wow, that's cool." or "No, that's disgusting." It's lukewarm, for a lack of better words. (Money is a big factor here and while it doesn't solve every problem, it sure helps)
5. I have to find a job (maybe) wherever we are moving.
These things are the weight on my shoulders. However, that's not really what's making me emotional. I think what is making me so emotional is knowing how much I really do love my life here in Chesterfield, MO. While I absolutely hate the weather (too humid/cold). I love my home, I love my job, and I'm just really comfortable here. But, I do believe that we should never get too comfortable. We need challenges and struggles. I'm just not big on change.
Lately, I have had little "Movie Montage Moments." I may be the only one that does this, but often while I am experiencing a moment I think to myself, "If I were a character in a movie and I was reflecting back on good memories, this would be one of the ones in my movie montage." It's almost as if I store these memories somewhere special and I know they will be something I will want to dig up one day. It happens a lot when a good song is on and I think "This is the song that would be playing on the soundtrack of my movie!"
I have had so many MMM's here in Missouri and I would like to share some of them as I am feeling overwhelmingly sentimental.
1. Boxes of stuff, everywhere in my trailer. Kyle and I were unpacking all of our wedding gifts in the kitchen and deciding where to put all of the new things we had gotten. It looked like such a big project, but it was so much fun and so exciting. It was the mark of our new life together for me; deciding where to put all of our new (heavy) Le Creuset.
2. Knocking on the window and waving to Kyle when Kyle is walking into the house after school. This is something I always used to do and now Tumnus joins me at times. In the morning, (if we are up and out of bed), Tumnus and I go to the window and wave at Kyle as he leaves for school. It's one of my favorite things ever.
3. Tumnus coming to the window and looking out at me as I am driving away. That is one of my favorite things he does.
4. My family coming for our first married Thanksgiving. All of us crammed into my tiny little kitchen trying to cook on two burners and in my tiny oven. We were able to cram the 6 of us into my kitchen at my little table and I was able to use my fall placemats and napkins. I will never forget watching my grandma sleep in my rocking chair and in my little guest bed being so happy that she was able to make the trip. She will say every once in a while, "I came to your little house, didn't I? And I slept in that small bed." She doesn't remember a lot of stuff lately, so it warms my heart when she brings up coming to see me in St. Louis. For some reason that Thanksgiving all of the food tasted the best it ever has. I think that's because I felt so involved and it was such a special Thanksgiving.
5. Watching Kyle and Tumnus greet each other on the porch when Kyle comes home from school or clinic. They have their own special little greeting and Tumnus gets so excited when Kyle comes home. It's too cute.
6. Kyle putting a blanket over my eyes before he turns on the light in the morning while I'm still sleeping and then him waking me up in the morning to kiss me goodbye before he leaves for school.
7. Swimming (or floating) ALL DAY in the rain at Table Rock Lake with friends we met here in Missouri.
8. Bringing the 9 year old I nanny to my house and going through old jewelry to give her.
9. Sitting in a big chair with the 5 year old I nanny and reading her books.
10. Earlier this week, Tumnus found an empty water bottle in the house. I heard him chewing on it from in another room so I ran in the living room to see what he had. I decided to take it and throw it and take it and run and throw it and run and take it and throw it and take it and run and throw it. It's one of our favorite games to play with any object he may be obsessed with at the time. All the while, Avril Lavigne's "Here's to Never Growing Up" was playing and I got extremely emotional and sentimental thinking, "Please, never grow up, puppy." I think I wanted us to both stay 25 and 2 forever.
11. Sitting around the fire at Brickhouse with my in-laws and shooting the breeze. Drinking wine at Montelle Winery with them.
12. Exploring City Museum for the first time with Kyle.
13. Riding the Ferris Wheel on the rooftop of City Museum with my 5 year old buddy.
14. Riding the swings at Six Flags with my 9 year old cutie.
15. Talking a walk with my dad in Chesterfield Central Park.
16. Shopping with my mom every time she has visited.
17. Playing Hide-n-Go Seek with Tummy and Kyle.
18. Paddle boating by the Art Museum in Forest Park.
19. We don't have Showtime so every season of Dexter we have to find online. We snuggle up on the bed and watch Dexter on my computer on Monday nights. Every episode ends with previews for the next week and we don't like to watch them so when the episode is over we immediately stare at each other with our ears plugged while spouting out anything that comes to mind so we are sure not to see or hear anything about the next week. It's very ridiculous but it's tradition and I love it.
20. Every December 1st we exchange Christmas ornaments that we have bought for each other and then hang the rest of our ornaments on our tiny little tree. This is something I absolutely love to do and it's a tradition we started here in our first home.
There are a thousand more memories that I'm sure would flash through my montage, but those are just a few. Needless to say, I'm really, really going to miss my first married home, the friends we've made, the places we love, and the kids I nanny.
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