Farther Along

It's been so long since I've blogged.  I've had the itch for a while and am just now getting around to it.  I thought it would be nice to share where we are in our life right now.

It's strange because while we have almost nothing going on; we have a ton of things up in the air.  There is a LOT of waiting:  Waiting for the SBA loan, waiting for a life insurance policy, waiting for health insurance, waiting for jobs to be available, waiting for applications to be reviewed, waiting for e-mails to be replied.  Waiting, waiting, waiting. 

Long story short, we are STILL waiting on the SBA loan to close to start our practice.  We cannot do much without it.  We can't rent an office space, buy equipment, buy malpractice, PAY OURSELVES, etc.  We are both nervous but so very ready to start this new adventure so all of this waiting can be very trying.

I am definitely learning first hand just how big of a project starting your own business is (especially when you have zero dollars and everything hinges on a loan that was estimated to close a month ago.)  I am also daily trying to navigate how to cope with new things.  I have to keep myself in check (with the help of Kyle) and not let myself lose control and become too overwhelmed.  I fail, many times, and have metal breakdowns.  I actually had one last night.  But, I'm trying and I need to remind myself that trying is all I can do.  I've never been in this situation before and the most I can do is attempt to handle it with grace.

Part of me trying to remain calm and collected is daily giving over my worries to Jesus.  I do this daily, still struggle, and that is where other coping mechanisms have developed.  I just try to occupy my mind with something else. Whether it's cleaning, playing the piano, listening to traditional hymns, or watching a movie, I just try to not dwell on the things that trigger my breakdowns.  

The most important thing I learned from last night's breakdown is that it's okay to cry.  If we weren't supposed to cry, we wouldn't be able to.  I've realized that sometimes while crying seems unproductive it is actually very cathartic and calming.  While I'm crying, and freaking out, I seem very ruffled but by the end of it all, when the tears stop, I am much more calm.  

There is a reason for everything.  There is a reason we are in Norman, there is a reason the loan hasn't gone through, and there is a reason that we are going through these struggles.  The most important truth is that it is not my job to figure out why all of these things are happening.  A certain old hymn has been the theme song to my life lately and I find myself singing it a lot.  One of my favorite moments in Norman so far has been sitting in the sunshine in my living room with my puppy on my lap singing this hymn:

Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We'll understand it all by and by.

When we see Jesus, coming in glory,
When He comes from His home in the sky,
Then we shall meet Him in that bright mansion,
We'll understand it all by and by.


Xoxo,

Nicole