The Proposal

I'm engaged!
The minute it happened I wanted to scream it from the rooftops.
This is not because I got some new bling, but because it's such an incredibly feeling when the boy you love and admire gets down on one knee and asks you to marry him.
I just wanted everyone to know that he is mine.
I am so lucky and blessed and get teary eyed just thinking about how special he makes me feel.

So, many people have asked for "details."  I figured I would tell the story on here, so that those who are far or might not hear from me personally could know how it happened.

I came home Thursday night, tired from a day at the zoo with 5 year olds, and crashed.  I had to get up at one to be ready by two because Kyle and his family were coming to get me at two to go to Oklahoma for the weekend.  Had I know what Friday had in store I would have dolled up and actually put thought into my apparel, but whatever.  : )  We left Carlsbad for Norman, OK and arrived there around noon.  We checked into the hotel, then went to Campus Corner to have Chipotle (of course).  We had lunch, then Kyle said "Do you want to go look around campus and go to the fountain and the library?"  He had shown me both of these places the first time I went to Norman in November of 2008.  So I just thought he wanted to go back to be nostalgic.  His family left to go to the shops around Campus Corner and we headed to the fountain.  I was excited because I love sentimental things and so I was looking forward to going back to the fountain.  He had taken me there my first time and had told me that he would go to that fountain when he was at school at OU as a place to get away.

We made it to the fountain, sat down in the same place we had sat before, in front of the inscription that read, "Sus frases nunca me hirieron y siempre me consolaron," which loosely translated is "Your phrases never wounded me and always consoled me."  We sat there and we talked about the time we had been there before.  He asked if I wanted to take pictures, which I always want to do, so I took a couple.  Then he said, "Well . . . do you want to know the real reason I brought you here," I said, "Sure," thinking he was just going to tell me the significance of the fountain again.  Then he said, "When I was at school here, I would come to this fountain and sit and think about the future and I was wondering (at this point he pauses, reaches in his pocket, and gets down on one knee) if you would marry me?"  He opened the ring box and there were two beautiful rings in there.  I was a complete fool.  : ) I just was completely overwhelmed and surprised.  I remember saying, "Well, I wish I looked prettier."  Haha.  Then he began to explain to me where the rings and diamonds came from, but I was still so shocked that I wasn't really listening.  I was just replaying it in my head to make sure it was real. I started crying and said, "Wait, will you start over, I wasn't really listening?"  He kissed me on the cheek and then explained it all again.

The ring is beautiful and the sentimental value of it is priceless.  He took my granny's engagement ring that my mom had and used the white gold in her ring and another ring to make the ring, then had her diamonds put on the ring as well.  It's one diamond in the middle, then two small ones on the side.  Then he also had the wedding band to show me.  That one is his Nanny's wedding ring, and he had more of my granny's diamonds put in that one.  It's white gold with stars with little diamonds in the middle of the stars.  It's so perfect and I love that he went out of his way to find something from our families and put them together to create something so perfect.  I love it.  I stare at it all the time.  But more than the sparkle of the ring, I just love knowing that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  I look at it and think of how sweet, funny, caring, tender, intelligent, and handsome he is and I feel overwhelmed with happiness.  I am so blessed.

The funnest part of being engaged is that I can now look at venues, dresses, etc., and experiencing how tangible this wonderful time is.

I am so excited and I can't wait to marry this boy!

I will have pictures soon.  We took one before the proposal, but I looked so gross from traveling and whatnot that I wasn't too pumped to take any.  Then we went back the next day to take pictures of where it happened, and it was raining!  So, they aren't the most attractive pictures, but they are special.

Here is one from when we sat at that fountain a year and a half ago.

Sunny Days

It's a wonderful thing, living in NM.
Washington was lovely:  always green.
But even with all the green, there was always gray.
While in itself the green against the gray was gorgeous, it could be rather depressing.
I find myself happier in New Mexico.
I attribute my happiness to the sun.
It is difficult to have a bad day when you look out the window and see the beautiful sunshine.
It is even more difficult to feel down when you walk outside, feel the breeze, and the warmth of the sun shining down on you.
Often I walk the neighborhood, feel the sun on my skin, and believe it's somehow just for me.
It's as if no one else feels it or knows how much it brings me to life.
It took everything within me to get out and walk in Washington, but here, I can't wait to be outside.
I anxiously sit in class, eager to be finally be released into the warm sunshine. 
So even though at times I feel lonely, or anxious to be somewhere else, in some other chapter of life, I am and always will be looking towards the sun.

Wednesday

Wednesday was productive.
So, I feel sleepy and great.
I also did some pretty cool stuff in math.
The not cool thing is when I unintentionally think about the concepts later, like in the shower while looking at the tiles of my shower.
I finally did my laundry.
A pair of jeans fit a little bit looser than before.
I walked.
I cleaned my apartment.
All except for mopping the kitchen and bathroom, which I will do on the way out tomorrow.

I am doing the read aloud in my K class tomorrow.
I really hope the kids focus and that tomorrow goes by a whole lot faster than last Thursday did.
My boyfriend comes tomorrow and I am very excited to give him a hug.

The other day, I won my March Madness bracket, which makes up for me losing currently in the American Idol one.  I am just happy I beat a bunch of boys, plus I was in last place up until the Final Four.

I gave plasma yesterday.  I have a weird mark on my arm.  A very nice middle-aged black woman told me that I "look like [I] will be a good teacher."  The last time a stranger commented on my looks, I was told I should be Snow White for Halloween.  Strangers are fun.


I wore my Red Sox hat today and a UNM worker man said, "Red Sox play tonight!"  It was fun.
I helped a girl find a building the other day at school, and I was proud of myself for making conversation as we walked there. 

Anyways, Glee starts next week and I am most excited for this.

Easter Sunday

I know, I know. 
This day is not about me at all, but as much as I am trying to enjoy it, it is just another reminder that I am and will be in this transitional phase of life for another year.
I don't know if anyone realizes how much I loathe moving from one place to the other or coming home for the weekend and having to leave just as soon as I arrive. 

I am incredibly tired of this.
I wish so badly to be in a more stationary state.

I want to have a more permanent home, a more permanent town, and a more permanent routine.  If only just for one year.

But, I know that this cannot happen for quite some time.

I guess that is why I am having such a difficult time today keeping my spirits up.

I am here, my family is home and having lunch with everybody.

Oh, well.

Happy Easter.  I am truly grateful for the significance of this day.

A More Specific and Realistic Focus

Today is a week past my birthday and I would like to think I surpassed my goal. 
My goal was 15 pounds by my birthday, which I did not do. 
But, I have almost lost ten this week to bring my total from when I started to 17.
This has taken a while, but this time I am trying to take it slow and not focus so much on how much I can lose in so little time, but how much I can lose and keep off.

I would like to lose about 12 more, even 17 more, but I am trying to be realistic.  I am trying to focus on my BMI more than anything.  Not on my size and stuff like that, because fashion is fleeting, life shouldn't be.  Yes, I would love to look great in whatever is trendy and cute, but I would rather live longer and look just okay.  I am currently at a 26.  A normal weight BMI for my height would be 18.5 - 24.9.  So I am really close.  Just 8 pounds away from a BMI that is considered normal.  That's really all I want, is to be normal. 

All my life, as long as I can remember having control, I have not been normal.  I have been textbook overweight, and I would love to shake that label.

Dear Self,

Dear Present Self,

I am not happy about what you did, but I forgive you.  Life is a series of little mistakes that you learn from and you grow from.  This is one of them, so learn from it.  You can't change the past, you can only improve the future.  Just forget about it and move on. 

Dear Past Self,

You can't bring me down.  I have already proved you wrong this week and will continue to prove you wrong.  You are beautiful, and I am beautiful.  It is not what's on the outside that makes us that way, but it is our heart that makes us different.  It is our integrity and tenderheartedness that makes us who we are.  So don't ever forget that.

Dear Future Self,

No matter what you do, who you become, or what you look like, you will always be me.  Changes you make will be up to you, and what you feel is right.  Always do what is right, because in the end that's all that matters.  Fight for what you want, what you believe in, and always know that you are loved and have so much love to give.  Never stop being who you are and stay true to your convictions. 


Love,

Us.

April Fool

So I have this seminar.  It's like twice a month.  

In a nutshell, the seminar is a big waste of my time.

I arrive, with completed work in hand, and listen to my professors on their soap boxes.

My completed work, is never handed in.

Perfect example of a big waste of time.

Because it is such a waste of time I thought I would miss the one before Spring Break.

But because they have never been fully clear on the absence rule, I did a little research before skipping.

I should have done more.

Apparently, you have to do make-up work, which I knew, but asking around I failed to ask those who missed if they actually informed the professors that they were gone, or asked what their make-up work was.

It should have been quite obvious to me that those I asked just didn't follow up and ask about making work up.

I should have done even more research and asked if there was another week that I would want to miss more.

Long story short, the week after I missed the Seminar, Kyle asked if I was going to the Red/White game in Oklahoma. 

Well, it was news to me that I was even included.

I asked what date, knowing in my mind that it would inevitably fall on a day that I had a seminar, and it did.

So, needless to say, I am devastated.  I love going to Oklahoma with them.  Plus, they are staying at Cory's casino he works at, and I have never been to the Red/White game, which is basically just a preview of the team that will be playing in the fall.

I have never seen Oklahoma in the Spring, and I rarely get to be with Kyle's entire family.

What some may not know about me is that I have always wanted a big family.  

I begged my parents for siblings when I was younger, and have always wished that my cousins and I were closer.

The thing is, I am so excited about one day being able to have more family, and I love getting to spend time with Kyle's family and getting to know them more.  Which is why I am so sad that I might not be able to go on the trip.  Cory lives in Oklahoma, and I rarely see him.  I just really want to go.

So here is the current situation.  I e-mailed my professor yesterday, with a really heartfelt e-mail, and I am still waiting on an answer.  It has officially been a day.  The last time I e-mailed this professor, it took two weeks (not exaggerating, I e-mailed her on the 13th, she replied on the 27th) and she only replied after I e-mailed her doctoral student teacher inquiring as to why I had not received a reply.  I even tried e-mailing the same heartfelt e-mail to the doc student first, to see if she would just give me an answer, and she said she couldn't make the decision, that my professor had to. 

Here is the e-mail, I am asking those of you who care an ounce about me to read the e-mail, and also to provide input.  If she says no, I cannot miss, should I risk it and go? 

"Professor Flores-Duenas--

I have a few questions about the seminar.  Now, it was never clearly stated as to how many absences we could acquire for this class.  I have a family trip that is extremely important to me coming up on the 16th of April.  Now, I understood that I would have to do make up if I missed a class, and I am prepared to do so.  However, I had to miss the last seminar due to illness, and am in the process of the make-up work, but am concerned as to what exactly will happen if I miss the seminar on the 16th.  Since having to miss the last one, I have tried to find flights out of ABQ after the seminar on the 16th, to meet up with my family later, and there is nothing out of ABQ after 4:00 p.m.  I am somewhat frustrated because I am trying to weigh my options.  The benefits of seeing my family and being together with them, and what I would miss in those two hours on that Friday.  And, obviously, my family is weighing heavier now.  I just don't want to get to the end of the semester and not pass this class, because of my absences. 

I have tried to figure out a way to get to my family and still attend the seminar, but due to the time of the seminar, this is not working out. I need a little feedback from you.  I have done every assignment, on time.  I do not make a habit of missing class, in fact I have not missed but one class this semester of all my classes, which is way less than most students.  I am willing to turn in the work due on that week early, write a paper, etc.  I guess what I am getting at, is this weekend is extremely important to me as I do not get to see this side of my family often, and I am willing to go above and beyond to make up that Friday of April 16th.  Can you provide me with some guidance?

Thanks, 

Nicole Green"

So, if you have any feedback, or advice, please offer it.  

Should I stay or should I go?

Also, you should know that before the semester began, I contacted this lady about the dates of the seminar because I had a date to go to Oklahoma on the 5th of February.  She gave me the dates, the 5th being one of them, and then told me that they had worked really hard to come up with good information for the seminars and that we would benefit greatly from them.  I canceled on the trip on the 5th, only to go and have it be a waste of my time.  I wholeheartedly disagree that I HAVE not benefited at all from any of the seminars.  You should also know that they are a total of two hours.  Two hours!  And, that most of the two hours is spent with them trying to become organized and figure out what we should be turning in.  It's a joke, a complete joke.

Thanks in advance for your help.