Who I Am

In the last few days I have come to the realization that I am months away from being twenty-seven.   

T W E N T Y  -  S E V E N.  

This stark realization is a little disheartening especially when I feel 22.  The biggest reason I think I feel 22 is because I am constantly wondering when I will find my niche.  I'm stuck in that college age.  I feel like I'm sitting impatiently in the waiting room of life, waiting to be directed to my place in this world.

This is something that has always stirred inside of me:  What should I do?  Where can I make the biggest difference in someone else's life?  It is an uncomfortable thought and a frustrating one to be reminded of when I feel like everyone else around me has found their place.  In this day and age of social media, it's a very real struggle to not define your self worth by whether or not your baby announcement was Pinterest worthy enough for the masses.  Don't lose hope.

Sunday, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders concerning this need of mine to find something to do that will make me feel worthy or valued.  We tried out a new church in Norman (couldn't get connected at previous church) and the pastor said this, "Who you are should not be defined by what you do.  What you do should be defined by who you are."  He might as well have said,  

"Nicole, who you are should not be defined by what you do!! 
What you do should be defined by who you are! 
 Capeesh?!?!"  

 I have to admit that right after he said this, he lost me.  I was in my own head with thoughts like, "Wait, so I could do anything in the world and it wouldn't define me??? God, you're telling me that it doesn't matter what I do?  All that matters is who I am?"

I began thinking about how really whatever I end up doing in life, as long as my actions are centered on who I am as a Christian, the rest of it shouldn't matter.  Whether I work in a flower shop, file in Financial Aid, scoop ice cream, nanny children, clean apartments, work in an office, take care of my grandma; it doesn't matter.  I still need to be who I am all the time.  This really got me thinking: Who am I?  Have I been an ambassador and servant of Jesus?  Has his light, love, mercy, kindness, joy, grace, forgiveness, compassion, patience, and integrity been shown in my work?

It seems so simple, yet here I am at twenty-six years old just now finally seeing the big picture.  You are not defined by what you do.  You're a doctor?  Cool.  How do you treat your patients?  Do your co-workers think that you are kind and respectful?  You're a teacher?  More power to you.  Do your students see you as an example of Christ?  You're a stay-at-home mom?  Awesome!  Do you pray over your kids in the morning before school?  Do you let his patience overwhelm you when your kids are driving you insane?

If we let what we do define who we are, we will always feel empty because I guarantee there will always be someone who has a better job, better pay, or better hours.  But, if we let who we are define what we do, we will be filled with purpose knowing that we are doing what we were ultimately created for and that is to be a servant of Christ.  It should be our goal and our focus to let Jesus be seen in what we do.  You never know who at your job or in your day-to-day will need to see the love of Jesus.

Who I am currently is a girl who loves Jesus and Jesus is enough.

Xoxo,

Nicole

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Every once in a while, something bothers me enough or stirs something up in me and makes me want to blog.  Blogging, while not a regular hobby of mine is an outlet for me to get my thoughts out there; whether I have no readers or 100 readers.  It's for me.  There is the hope that it may provide a different perspective that someone might not have thought of yet or it will stir something up in someone else, but ultimately it is for me.

As you have most likely guessed from the title of this blog, I have many thoughts on The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  While it is a "challenge" to pour a bucket of ice cold water on your head, I think there are other challenges that come along with this new trend:

1.  Should I do it?
2.  Should I upload it to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Vine, etc.?
3.  Should I do the challenge and also donate?
4.  Should I just donate and not pour ice water?
5.  Will people think I'm just following a trend?
6.  Should I show people that even though I'm not pouring the ice water, that I at least donated?

Over the weeks that this has been going on and becoming more and more popular, I have seen some of the people that I follow on social media make remarks about how they can't wait until the Ice Bucket Challenge is over.  I understand where they are coming from as I was so ready for people to quit uploading videos of their kids, celebrities, and random strangers singing "Let It Go" or some terrible parody of the song.  However, I had a change of heart when I thought to myself, "if this is what makes them smile today, why should I care if it's the 8000th time I've heard this song?" Social media can be a very powerful outlet, if we allow it to be. 

Here's some facts about ALS:

1.  ALS can strike anyone.
2.  The onset of ALS is insidious with muscle weakness or stiffness as early symptoms.  Progression of weakness, wasting and paralysis of the muscles of the limbs and trunk as well as those that control vital functions such as speech, swallowing and later breathing generally follows.
3.  About twenty percent of people with ALS live five years or more and up to ten percent will survive more than ten years and five percent will live 20 years.  There are people in whom ALS has stopped progressing and a small number of people in whom the symptoms of ALS reversed.
(www.alsa.org)

Here's the BIG PICTURE, PEOPLE.  The main reason of the Ice Bucket Challenge was to raise awareness and to raise money to fund research efforts.  Should it really matter if someone is doing it to just follow the crowd?  Even if someone did the challenge and didn't donate, ALS is being talked about.  On the ALS Association website a press release from today states, "As of Sunday, August 24th, The ALS Association has received $70.2 million in donations compared to $2.5 million during the same time period last year (July 29 to August 24).  These donations have come from existing donors and 1.3 million new donors to The Association."

Let's focus on the positive here.  Donations increased by roughly $68 million dollars.  That's wonderful if you ask me.  Not only that, but there are 1.3 million new donors.  So for all you naysayers out there, I'm pretty sure it's working, even if it is annoying you.  And for that matter, get off social media if you are tired of it.  Because really, aren't you just following a popular trend yourself by even having social media accounts?  Regardless of whether or not someone is doing it for the right reason, it's working, and I think it's pretty cool.

If myself or a loved one had ALS or some other illness and people across the country were dumping ice cold water on their heads and donating to help further research to find a cure for that illness, I would be so incredibly grateful.  I've seen where people think it's pretty narcissistic to participate in the challenge and upload these videos to social media outlets, but I think it's pretty narcissistic to be thinking about how much you are being annoyed by it rather than thinking of the people directly affected by ALS and how much these donations and the chatter about it means to them.  

We all have our moments and I in no way am trying to hurt anyone's feelings by writing this.  Sometimes, I just think we are too critical and a different perspective on things can cause you to think about something in a way you never would have before.   The biggest thing I would say is just to always try and put yourself in other people's shoes.  I think when we truly try and understand what it would be like to face the challenges that someone else faces daily, we start thinking a little less about ourselves and more about others.  Isn't that what Christ would ask us to do?

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."  Phil 2:4

I've uploaded this video on Facebook already, but it really did open my eyes to the challenges that people with ALS and their caretakers go through every day.  It's way more challenging that a couple seconds of cold.

Xoxo,

Nicole

Summer of '08

Today marks six years since Kyle and I decided that we would make a pretty good pair.  I decided it might be fun to share a little of our story in honor of our day.

Our story really started in December of 2006.  I was home (Carlsbad, NM) on my Christmas break from my Freshman year in college and Kyle was home on his Christmas Break from his senior year in college (cradle robber--I know).  We always shared a lot of the same friends and ran in the same circles and this Christmas Break our circles were very much into hanging out at my house and having game nights. 

Kyle and I always got along very well.  He never admits it really, but I knew he thought I was funny (in my own way) and I think it made him feel good that I was constantly laughing at him.  There was flirting going on but never any conversation of whether there was anything there or not.  My friend Michael, who is a meddler in the best way, decided to tell Kyle that I liked him and asked Kyle if he liked me.  Kyle had never really thought of me in that way before, but after Michael told him I liked him, he started to see the potential of it.  The thing is, I had never told Michael that I liked Kyle.  He had just witnessed our chemistry and was playing matchmaker. 

Kyle and his friends had been going to the Sun Bowl ,which is in El Paso, every year for a few years and for some reason that I can't really remember, I was going this year too.  I'm sure it had something to do with wanting to be around Kyle because at that stage in my life I had no desire to watch football.  Maybe it was because Rihanna was just coming on the scene and was performing S.O.S. at halftime.  Who knows?  Anyway, everyone that was going stayed the night at a family friends' house so that we could all just wake up and get on the road to get to El Paso.  We all hung out, played ping-pong, etc. and Kyle and I ended up staying up all night talking.  I remember that I was wearing a onesie (Yes, I was super early to the onesie party) and Kyle was laughing at the way I say certain words.  Other than that, I have no recollection of what we talked about.  It had to have been pretty good because if you know me, you know that I absolutely HATE staying up late. 

Anyway, we got up (Dec. 29th) and headed to the Sun Bowl.  I think it was pretty obvious to anyone around us that there was some attraction between the two of us.  It was a little awkward, because who wants to flirt with your big brother hanging around, but I made the best of it knowing that he was headed to Arizona for the Fiesta Bowl on the 31st.  We sat next to each other at the game, joked, talked, laughed, and sat together on the way back from the Sun Bowl.  There was definitely something there. 

So, fast forward . . . he went to Arizona, came back for like a day before I was leaving to go back to Seattle for school and we went on a date.  We went to the movies to see Charlotte's Web (the terrible version with Dakota Fanning) and then the next day I headed off back to Seattle.  My mom and I drove the whole way from NM to WA so there was a lot of MSN Messenger going on when we would get to a hotel for the night.  Kyle and I talked about going to Venice in ten years (I'm holding him to this), music, tv, movies.  We talked about a lot.  It wasn't until I was at school for a few days that he decided to actually call me. 

We started talking on the phone, chatting on Messenger, Myspacing, Facebooking, and texting when he wasn't already at his max amount of texts.  I would look forward to a new message from him after class.  I urged him to get unlimited texting so we could text during class and what not which plays into our story in just a minute. 

I got too much inside my own head and let my nerves get the best of me and decided I was not ready for a relationship and just wanted to be his friend.  The thing is, I was scared because I knew we would go the distance because we are so compatible.  I let him know this through a message on Myspace (I know, sorry) and then told him "Oh, by the way, I'm not going to be on Social Media for a week-ttyl!.  Needless to say, I broke his heart.  The day he got my message, his mom had just upgraded their cellular plan to unlimited text.  Perfect timing.  Not.

Kyle, being unlike any other guy I know, decided that if he couldn't have what he wanted (a relationship) then I couldn't have what I wanted (a friendship).  He cut all ties.  He did not speak to me for over a year.  He wasn't even really that civil, but I get where he was coming from.  I always tell him and I believe it wholeheartedly, "If we had gotten together then, when I wasn't ready, we wouldn't have ended up where we are now." 

So, let's do some more fast-forwarding, it's April of 2008 (April 28th to be exact) and I posted something on Facebook about having a hard time.  MUCH TO MY SURPRISE, Kyle calls me to see if everything is alright.  I was shocked he was calling because he was very strict about his "I'm not talking to you; we are not friends thing."  I remember him joking and telling me, "You need to break down the walls around your heart."  That really stuck with me because I had put up some metaphorical walls around my heart and really didn't let people in all that easy.

That summer, the summer of '08, I was invited to do music at a church camp in Sacramento, NM with a friend.  We got to the camp and surprise, Kyle was a counselor.  I was not aware he'd be there.  He was not aware I'd be there and you could tell from his face when he found out I was going to be there, he was not happy.  He was very standoffish at first; playing it super cool.  But after a game of horseshoes, he slowly started to warm up.  We were back where we left off: laughing and flirting.  We had a great time there playing games, music, talking, etc.  I started to think, "Maybe there is hope for us.  Maybe we will get a second chance."

We came home from that camp and started hanging out more.  He would come over to my house to hang out with my brother but would stick around long after my brother would leave to go to work.  I remember one rainy afternoon in July when he and I were on my back porch playing ping pong.  He was wearing a gray shirt, my favorite shirt of his, and I remember thinking, "It's official.  I like him, a lot." 

My friend and I left for Dallas to go see some old friends and Kyle and I texted the entire time.  I probably bugged my friend and wasn't very present because I was pretty involved in always communicating in some way with Kyle.  Most nights while in Dallas, I would fall asleep texting Kyle.  I was so excited to get back to Carlsbad so I could see him.  We headed home on a Sunday (July 13th) and while on our way, my friend had a blowout, which delayed my arrival quite a bit.  When you are in that first phase of a relationship where you are just dying to see the other person at all times it can be torture to have a blowout on an 8 hour road trip. 

We eventually made it home and Kyle was at my house for my mom's birthday party.  I was so excited to be back and to see him.  At this point, we still had not really talked about where this all was going.  The next day, July 14th, we were both supposed to be helping with VBS at FUMC.  When I got there and went to find out which group I was the leader of I found out that I was in the same group as Kyle.  I believe this was most likely orchestrated by someone who wanted to see us end up together.  We had a great time with the kids and made plans to watch a movie later that night. 

He came to my house and we decided to watch Moulin Rouge, which is a favorite of ours and something we had talked about back in 2006.  We put on the movie but spent most of the movie and hours and hours afterward just talking and laughing.  I think he left my house at like 5 in the morning, which again says how much I really liked him because I don't stay up for just anyone.  He joked about how I would have to handle all the kids by myself because he needed to get some sleep after staying up late.  As far as I can remember we didn't really ever have the talk about what we were but it was that night, July 14th, that we both just knew that we were starting something really great. 

That summer is one of my favorite summers to date and six years later he is still making me laugh. 

I thank God that He placed Kyle in my life and made sure we got it right the second time. 

This is the first photo we took together as boyfriend and girlfriend.  He was 23 and I was just a baby, 20 years old.  He is wearing the gray shirt that he was wearing when I had that, "this is who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with" moment.

Love you, Kyle.  Thanks for the best 6 years of my life. 

Xoxo,

Nicole

Desert Dweller

I have never been much of a desert dweller.  My husband on the other hand belongs in the desert.  He loves the hot, hot heat and is energized by it.  I, however, am usually drained by it.

Metaphorically lately, I have also been in a desert of sorts.  I have had these feelings of being in a barren wasteland within my own mind and it is draining me of my joy.  I like to be honest and transparent in my blogs because usually someone is dealing with something similar and it's nice sometimes to feel like you are not crazy or alone in this world.  

The most frustrating part about feeling down or sad is not being able to really pinpoint why you are sad.  This is where I am.  I have so very much to be grateful for and so very many reasons to be joyful, and I sometimes am, but lately I found myself on the other end of the spectrum.  

Today in trying to remedy these feelings of sadness I have looked into volunteering at a local food bank, I have contacted my church about volunteering there, I sat down at the piano and worshiped Jesus, and I have looked up some verses to give me hope about my current state.  The truth of the matter is, I can volunteer my butt off, I can talk to people and get advice, I can escape for a minute in a funny TV show; but, the only thing that will actually bring me up out of this temporary pit is Jesus.  I know that from the bottom of my heart and so it is time for me to seek Him out and hand over this sadness to him.  

The most important thing is that I recognize something is wrong and that I admit it.  Often I feel like when people are sad or depressed, they don't want to tell anyone because they don't want to be a burden.  They don't want people to think that they are being crazy.  Or if they are anything like me, they think, "Why I am sad?  There are so many people that have legitimate reasons to be sad and here I am being so pitiful."  But, He doesn't really care if you are a privileged American white girl or a underprivileged boy in Africa; He tells us all to come to Him with our troubles and to lay them at His feet.  Nowhere does he say, "Hey, if you are just sad for no reason, shake it off."  

There are so many verses that gave me hope today and I'd like to share a few of them.

Psalms 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.

Psalms 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Psalms 34:17 When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

 

Revelation 21:4  He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 Peter 4:12-13 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

I was thinking of songs to play and was reminded of a song that I used to always sing about 7 or 8 years ago.  The words in it were so fitting for this time in my life.  I decided to record it and share it because the message is so good.  The chorus was a great reminder for me to daily spend time with Jesus and to just dance at his feet.  My life is His.  The chorus says, "And so I come into your chambers and I dance at your feet, Lord.  You are my savior and I'm at your mercy.  All has been in my life up to now, it belongs to you.  You are still holy."  

 

https://soundcloud.com/coleighgray/you-are-still-holy

 

If you are sad or going through something that feels somewhat hopeless, please give it over to Him.  Tell someone close to you and let them pray for you.  They can't take your pain but they can intercede on your behalf.  If you don't feel like you have anyone to tell, I'd love to pray for you.  

 

Xoxo, 

 

Nicole

Happy Birthday, My Love

Today is my best friend's birthday.  This is one of my favorite days of the year because I am so very thankful that he was born.  He is 29 today and doesn't look a day over 28.  ;)

My favorite thing about my husband is how much he makes me laugh.

On Sunday I was reminded of just how much fun we have when we are together and a lot of that is because he is constantly making me laugh whether he is making a joke or making fun of something I've done.

I am so very glad that 29 years ago God placed him in this world because I can't imagine my world without him.

He is

Kind
Caring
Sweet
Funny
Intelligent
Clever
Witty
Thoughtful
Friendly
Handsome
Athletic
and most of all, he is the man of God I always prayed for.

He challenges me to be the best version of myself.  He is not afraid to tell me when he thinks that I am not living up to my potential.  He checks me and allows me to check him too.  He challenges me to go outside of my box because he always wants people to see the me that he sees.  He has made my confidence sky rocket and continues to lift me up always.  He prays for me, for us, and for others.  He is the head of the household that I always wanted.  He has put in many hours to get to where he is today and I am enjoying getting to see him helping other people feel better and do what he has worked so hard to do.

He is handsome and I am so proud of the man he is and has shaped himself to be.  I say shaped himself because more than anyone I know, he is constantly looking inward and trying to better himself.  He is very critical of himself and holds himself to a higher standard.  He has made me more aware of self reflection and how to be aware of my faults, but also my strengths.  He completes me.

My favorite thing about him is that he realizes that nothing in this world is about him.  He reminds me often that it's not about us; it's about God and about His plan.  This has really helped me in the last year or so when I want to get down about certain circumstances.

The most recent thing I have discovered that I love about him is the way he is with my Grandma.  It takes a pretty special guy to offer to grandmasit, take her on rides, sit with her and talk to her, and to always try to make her laugh.  He is so good with her and I thank God that I married such a kind and sweet man.

I see the love of Jesus in him and through him every day.

Happy Birthday, my love.  You are my best friend and I love doing this thing called life with you.

Xoxo,

Nicole

Hang In There

Do you ever hear a song that just immediately makes you feel like you can get over whatever mountain is currently standing in your way?  I do, and I play the heck out of the song.  This is just one reason I love music.  It's inspiring and healing.  Sometimes all you need is a good chorus to pull you out of your current funk. It helps when the words you need to hear are sung with a voice like an angel.

I have two songs currently on repeat right now.  They have very similar messages:  Overcoming the trouble you are in at the moment and allowing yourself to rely on someone else for a little while.  I have realized more in these last four months just how much I really need God and how much I really need the people that He has placed in my life.

The first song is "I Won't Let You Go" by James Morrison.  His voice is so amazing that he could literally be singing about ketchup and I would think it is inspiring. I love all of the words but there are a few parts that are definitely my favorite:

When it's black

Take a little time to hold yourself.

Take a little time to feel around before it's gone.

If there's love just feel it.

And if there's life, well see it 

This is not time to be alone, alone yeah.

I won't let you go.

Say those words 

Say those words like there's nothing else

Close your eyes and you might believe

That there is some way out

Open up 

Open up your heart to me now

Let it all come pouring out

There's nothing I can't take. 

It's my favorite thing when a "secular" song speaks to me about my relationship with Christ.  When I listen to "I Won't Let You Go" I am constantly reminded of how He won't let us go and how He longs to be the one to take on all of our burdens whether it's our job, a printer malfunctioning, a relationship failing, or a death in the family.  He just wants us to open up to Him and give Him our heart.  We are the ones that let go, not Him. 

The other song that has been on repeat is actually one of those rare Christian radio songs that I enjoy.  I heard it yesterday after a pleasing day at work.  I had a  t e r r i b l e  work week last week and so after my pleasant day this song just really spoke to me.  It is called "Rise" by Shawn McDonald and here are a few of my favorite lines:

Yes I will rise

Out of these ashes rise

From this trouble I have found 

And this rubble on the ground

I will rise

Cause He who is in me

Is greater than I will ever be

And I will rise

Well I keep on coming to this place 

That I don't know quite how to face

So I lay down my life in hopes to die

That somehow I might rise

This song reminds me that sometimes the troubles we face are often just stepping stones to a bigger and better picture that God has in mind.  The words in this song make me think of a passage in Romans Chapter 8 which says, "But you are not in the flesh; you are in the Spirit, since the Spirit of God dwells in you.  Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.  But if Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.  If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit that dwells in you.  So then, brothers and sisters, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh--for if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God."  (Romans 8:9-14)

Hang in there; whatever you are going through.  

Here are the videos if you would like to give them a listen.

Xoxo, 

Nicole

 

Cold Stone Therapy

This blog is for all the migraine sufferers out there.  I feel your pain and want to share my experience with a treatment that was brand new to me today.

My friend Brianna sent me a gift card to a spa here in Norman for my birthday and I was way overdo for some pampering, so I immediately looked them up online to see what services they offered.  I was looking at the massages and then came across, "30 Minute Cold Stone Migraine Therapy."  Of course, I had to find out what this was all about so I read the description: 

"Specifically designed cold marble stones area strategically placed on facial accupoints to decrease the pressure of dilated blood vessels.  Headache relief-specific aromatherapy is also used during the session, in which the cold stones, pressure point massage techniques, light stretching, and relaxing ambiance all help prevent, eliminate, or diminish a headache."

I was hooked.  Especially because, sorry boys, I am currently on my period and after I am off of it is when my worst migraines occur.  I called yesterday to make an appointment for today at 1:30 and was so excited to try it out.

I got to the spa and it had the most relaxing ambiance and atmosphere.  The girl at the front desk, who also happened to be the massage therapist that worked on me, had that cult-like calming voice.  She offered me water and then said she was going to go prepare for my treatment.

I walked into the room and it was just so beautiful.  The lights were dim, calming music was playing,  and there were beautiful curtains, pillows, and a comfy looking massage bed in the center of the room.  The masseuse told me to go ahead and get comfortable and she would be back to start the treatment.

The bed was just the most comfortable bed and the blankets felt weighted.  (I've been wanting a weighted blanket for anxiety for a few months now.)  I was relaxed with my eyes shut and the masseuse came back in to start my session. 

You should know that prior to starting this I had a headache coming on and a lot of sinus pressure. Sorry it took so long for me to get to the point of this whole blog, but I had to just give the place kudos for how wonderful it was.

Anyhoo, she began by massaging the crown of my head and then moved to my temples.  After that she rubbed aromatherapy scents on my face in a very methodical way.  It all smelled so delicious, I wanted to buy it for myself and rub it on my face every day.  At this point she put two very cold stones at the back of my neck, one stone on the middle of my forehead, and another on my chin (after many tries to make that one balance).  I wanted to ask her afterward if she has that much trouble with other chins because at one point it fell off of me.  Maybe I have a weird chin.  Who knows? 

While those stones were on my face and at the back of my neck she took a stone in each hand and massaged my temples and the highest points of my cheeks with the stones.  It felt so wonderful.  She switched the stones around a couple times and had them stationary on my cheeks at one point.  That was one of my favorite parts of the whole treatment because I could feel all that pressure I had there diminishing.  She also massaged my neck and shoulders while the stones sat on my face.  She did the scents a couple more times, took the stones off, and then massaged my head once more as she ended the treatment.

It was absolutely the best treatment I have had for my headache and I would recommend it to anyone suffering with migraines.  I felt so much better after I walked out and I texted Kyle to say, "Best.  Thing.  Ever."  I wanted the masseuse to be my new best friend and if I could afford the luxury, I would have the treatment done monthly. 

I hope all the migraine sufferers out there have one less migraine than the month before and I hope if you try this out you let me know how it goes.

Xoxo,

Nicole

Working Out

Yesterday, I did a little researching online for a new workout program that I could do at the gym.  I like having plans--goals to accomplish. I was on the Women's Health website, came across a 12 month transformation program from trainer Chris Powell (Extreme Weight Loss on ABC), and thought I would give it a shot.  Each month is designed to target something different.  Month one is 2-3 days of cardio intervals and 3 days of a strength training routine and is intended to build muscle and nail proper exercise form.  

I read the article, downloaded the guide, and watched the video on how to do the strength training exercises.  I decided to start with a cardio day which means doing cardio intervals.  You can walk, run, swim, or bike. The interval workout instructed to warm up for five minutes and then increase your effort using a scale of 1 to 10. You do three minutes at level 5, two minutes at level 7, and one minute at level 9 (this should be near your all-out max) and that equals one complete circuit.  Then you repeat the circuit 4 more times for a total of 5.  The levels are based on what you are capable of personally.  So, my level 5 is going to be different than Kyle's level 5 and his level 5 would be different than the guy next to him.

We got to the gym and I was determined to give it my best.  I did the five minute warm up by walking on the treadmill, then I went to a jog for 3 minutes, a faster jog for 2, and an even faster jog for 1 minute.   I was only able to complete 2 circuits at that level.  Isn't it funny how fast those five warm up minutes go by and how slow that one minute of pushing yourself drags on?

I decided to finish out the workout though and just change up my levels.  I think I was a little too ambitious straight out of the gate, especially since I have not been using the treadmill at all for my cardio.  For the last three circuits I did a fast walk for 3 minutes, a faster walk for 2 minutes, and then a jog for 1 minute.  I was just glad I completed it, regardless of having to tone it down a little.  I was sweating by the end of the 35 minutes, which for me is a good sign of pushing myself.  I rarely sweat when working out.  It takes a lot for me to sweat.  My legs were more sore today from the cardio yesterday than they have been when I have done leg days at the gym.

Today will be the strength training day and I am excited to do something new but also to be doing something that takes me out of my comfort zone.  If I could have my way, I would have my own home gym with all the works so I could workout in private, but I am not a millionaire.  One of the things I am trying to work on in my 26th year of life is bringing myself outside of my comfort zone.  Some of these exercises involve looking a little silly, in my opinion, so I'm nervous and excited to try them out. 

One thing that attracted me to this workout plan is the time it takes to complete it.  It should only take about 30-35 minutes to do the cardio or the strength training.  I also like that when you do the strength training exercises you don't rest in between them.  I get so antsy and bored when I have to wait around.  I'm the type where I would rather work really hard for 30 minutes than take my time for an hour.  I like to be in and out.  I also like the fact that the workout is intended for people who are really in shape, kind of in shape, getting in shape, and people who are completely out of shape.  It's up to you to put in your best effort.

I should also mention that Kyle and I have been trying out intermittent fasting.  This means we eat only between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m.  8 hours of eating and 16 hours of fasting or as most people call it, 8-16's.  It's kind of amazing how fast I have adjusted to this as far as being hungry.  I am not hungry before ten or after six like I thought I would be (except on my period-I am hungry all the time).  The one thing that bothers me about doing an 8-16 is having to fit the eating within that small window.  For instance, I needed to run some errands on Saturday and when I set out to do them I realized that I would not be back home in time to eat before 6 if I were to do all of my errands. 10:00 in the morning is usually not a problem, but sometimes it's tricky to plan around having to eat before 6:00.  Other than that, it has not been very difficult at all.

I am excited to try this out and I am dreading month two already because of some of the strength exercises.  Doing mountain climbers and medicine ball slams in front of strangers is frightening to me, but I can do it!

If you are interested at all in this training plan you can check out all of the months here:

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/tags/transformation

If you want to download the monthly guides, you have to register on the website but it's free.

I hope whatever you are doing for your workouts is going splendidly!

Enjoy these gym memes as a thank you for reading my babble.

Xoxo,

Nicole 

Twenty-Six

Today is my 26th birthday.
I honestly don't feel 26.
I think I will forever feel 22 (minus the fact that I get sleepy around 9 p.m.)
I can without a doubt say that my 26th year will by far be the most difficult year so far.
But, it will also without a doubt be a year that I grow leaps and bounds in my relationship with Christ.

I decided to come up with a list of 26 things I wish for in my 26th year of life.

1.  Grow in my relationship with Christ.
2.  Continue learning how to be the best wife for Kyle.
3.  Write more cards to random people.
4.  Sing more - maybe even in public.
5.  Get in better shape.
6.  Explore more.
7.  Be more outgoing.
8.  Challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone.
9.  Try new things.
10.  Save money to do a little traveling.
11.  Volunteer somewhere.
12.  Learn how to do my hair in a wavy way that I love on other people.
13.  Keep my house clean.
14.  Brush up on French.
15.  Write one song.
16.  Work on being more selfless.
17.  Journal more.
18.  Have more confidence.
19.  Go to New Mexico more.
20.  Read more in my down time.
21.  Craft more (once money is not an issue).
22.  Love more.
23.  Learn more about my family's history.
24.  Take more pictures, print more pictures, and have more photo albums.
25.  Stay organized.
26.  Laugh, a lot.

I was reminiscing and looking through some of my past birthday photos on Facebook and came across these.

I am pretty sure this was one of my birthdays.  He gave the best hugs.

20th Birthday.  Miss these girls.  All wonderful in so many ways.

21st Birthday.  The only picture from that day.  And that necklace fell of at UNM.  :(

22nd Birthday.  In Carlsbad.  Last Birthday in Mountain Shadow Home.

23rd Birthday.  In Carlsbad.  Mickey Mouse Tank.  Toned Arms.  Come back 23 year old physique.

25th Birthday.  Chesterfield, Missouri.  Miss that trailer.  Love this handsome guy with me.

26th Birthday.  OKC ZOO.  My love, me, and an elephant named Rex.

Xoxo,

Nicole

Beautiful Things

If we talk to you on the reg, then you already know this but if you are #KUWTG via this blog then this will be news to you:  Last Wednesday, we got the news that our request for a loan was denied.  Have you ever applied for a loan and been denied?  If so, my heart goes out to you because it kind of takes the wind out of your sails.  There was a point where I felt like I was going to throw up and cry at the same time.

Basically, we don't have any immediate cash flow coming in or any real collateral, so they think we are too much of a risk.  thanksalotweknewthatbackindecemberwhenwefirstcametoyoubutyoustrungusalongfornearlyfourmonths

So, anyways, here we are again:  BACK AT SQUARE ONE.  I don't know where that saying comes from but I like to imagine the game of hopscotch and how reaching the number ten is WAY more fun then the beginning, square one.  (The whole game is kind of boring, but you know 10 is better than 1).

HOWEVER, we are hopeful.  Truly all we have is hope and trust in the Lord and that is all we need.  Kyle is searching for an associateship somewhere in OKC and the surrounding areas as we are very fond of Norman and already feel that we have made leaps and bounds as far as getting ourselves out there.  He has a meeting with a doctor tomorrow about a position.  We are trusting that God has His hand in everything and that there is a reason that we did not get the loan.  It is a bummer, but I know without a doubt that it is according to His plan.

My bosses at my current job were really great when I told them about the loan and they have said they will try to get me more cleaning jobs. So, for the time being, I'm good with where I am at.  I get paid more than minimum wage, I have flexible hours, and I get to just listen to music and do my thing without someone over my shoulder; so I choose to be happy with where I am.  (Hours permitting)

We will begin saving up money for the future so that when we try this again, we will be able to offer more to the table.

I was listening to a song today by Gungor called Beautiful Things and God really spoke to me about our current state.  In the song it says, "All around, hope is springing up from this old ground.  Out of chaos life is being found in You.  You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust.  You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us." We might not have much, just a little figurative dust, but He makes beautiful things and that is what I have to stay focused on.

Xoxo,

Nicole

I covered the song today if you'd like to take a listen or you can always listen to the original peeps.

Just click the link below:

https://soundcloud.com/coleighgray/beautiful-things-cover

Dementia

My 92, almost 93, year old Grandma has dementia.  At times it can be very frustrating.  For instance, she asks the same thing over and over.  She often doesn't remember that she has just done something five minutes ago.  She wants to argue that she knows she has had a ruler on her little table and cannot understand that I would know if she did or not. 

While it can be very frustrating and trying, it can also be a beautiful thing.  She is now at the point where she doesn't realize she doesn't know as much, which can be a good thing.  It's very frustrating to realize you are forgetful and that you don't know as much as you once did.  It is a wonderful thing to see what she does remember, because it gives you a glimpse into what is most important to her: family.  She always remembers that her daddy called her "Sister Sue" and that is just about the sweetest thing I've ever heard.  When I'm old and gray and someone asks me if I had any nicknames growing up I hope I say, "My daddy always called me Mutt."

When we were home over the break we had a lot of time to spend with Grandma.  She wasn't quite sure what to think of our dog, Tumnus.  She would say, "Come 'ere!" and then tell him to "Get down" when he would come up to her chair.  One night while we were just sitting around in my parents' living room I told her that the puppy would sit on her lap if she would let him.  Her eyes lit up and she said, "He would?" 

I put him on her lap, with his favorite blanket of mine, and what followed will forever be one of my most precious memories of my grandma.

She has never been a singer and as best as I can remember, I've never heard her sing until that night.  My brother, mom, and my dad could not really remember her ever singing before either.  Without dementia, I don't know if I would have ever got to hear my grandma sing the sweetest little lullaby to my puppy.

I have finally uploaded the video to YouTube today to hopefully brighten someone's day.  It sure brightens mine.  It's rather long, a little over ten minutes, but if you have time to watch it you will understand why my brother and I love this woman so much. 

If you don't have ten minutes in your day, you are a terrible person.  Not really, but if you don't then here are a few of my favorite parts.


2:00-2:30
3:10-3:45
4:15-5:00
5:40-6:50
8:10-9:30
10:20-10:30

If you have a grandma nearby, hug her.
If my grandma is near you, definitely hug her for me.


Xoxo,

Nicole 

Courage

Yesterday was something.  It began with a 5 a.m. wake up call from my dog who would not lay down and go to sleep. He was too interested in finding our guest and his dog.  I am not very good at waking up and then falling back asleep so I laid there until about 7 a.m.

Kyle then left at about 7:30 a.m. with his friend for a seminar that was until 5:30 p.m.  I was left on dog duty.  I was told if I needed to leave the house to leave the dog outside and just put something in front of the door so he couldn't scratch the door.  I needed to go to the store to get some groceries, so I put the dog outside, put the mower in front of the door, and left the yard by way of my gate.  At this point I step on a rotten hard-boiled egg.  How it got there, I will never know because we don't even have hard-boiled eggs.

I went back in my house to grab my keys, wallet, and phone when I heard the LOUDEST commotion out by the gate.  My first thought is that this dog is freaking out that I left and he is jumping on the gate trying to break it down.  I go outside to find that I was somewhat right; however, he was not jumping on the gate.  The dog was very close to digging a hole deep enough to slide under.  So, now it's 7:45 a.m., I've almost lost a dog that is not mine, and I've stepped on a rotten hard-boiled egg.

I decided to just forget about the dog scratching the door because I'd rather him scratch the door than escape on my watch.  I then moved the mower and a trash can in front of the gate on his side and put an old coffee table on the other side.  I left for the store and returned to find that my barricade had worked so far.

I decided to go back and lay in bed for a little bit and watch a movie with Tumnus to see if I could get in a little nap when I see that a spot he had on his leg had formed a ring around it.  He developed this spot on Wednesday so I sent Kyle a picture of the newest development and he said, "Find a vet."  I called the first one and no one was available so I moved on to another vet.  They only had one vet there but she agreed to squeeze Tumnus in.

He and I headed to Main Street Veterinary (which by the way is not even close to Main Street) and we began filling out paperwork.  He was clearly scared as he sat as close as possible to my chest in the chair as we waited for the vet.  We went back and the tech checked his weight, temperature, and looked at the spot.  She then left us to wait for the vet.  She came back a minute later and said the vet was on the phone with a patient and would be in soon.  I could hear the vet on the phone and she had the most calming voice and I knew immediately that I would like her. 

After waiting for a while, the vet came in to take a look at Tumnus.  She asked how to say his name and when I said it she looked at him and said, "Are you a Narnian?"  At that point, I didn't care how much she knew about veterinarian medicine.  She knew Mr. Tumnus was a Narnian, so she was okay in my book. 

She looked at his leg and found other spots that I hadn't seen and decided to do a skin scrape to test for yeast and mites.  He was so good, even when they put him on his back.  He HATES being on his back.  He becomes rigid and fights against it with all his might.  She took a look at the samples and said there was no yeast and it didn't look like mites.   She put him on Clavamox, an antibiotic, and said we should see it clear up in 3-5 days.  I was relieved it was not something bigger. 

As we were waiting to pay for the visit, a couple came in with the tiniest, cutest, little black female dog.  She was terrified.  The man had her in his arms and she was crawling all the way up his chest and onto his shoulder.  They explained that she had showed up on their doorstep and they were coming to see if she was microchipped.  I didn't get to see whether or not they got to keep her, but she was the sweetest little dog. 

Tumnus and I left to grab some lunch on the way home.  It was a beautifully sunny day yesterday so I rolled the window down and let Tumnus put his head out after being cooped up in the vet's office for two hours.  He seemed to really enjoy it, so we took the long way home.  We had lunch and then began prepping for the small group I was going to attend later.  I was told maybe 10 girls would be there so I wrote out my recipe on ten little cards to take to the small group. 

It was not long before I realized it was time to start cooking.  I prepared the Chile Relleno Casserole and put it in the oven to bake for 45 minutes.  Tumnus and I watched a movie and did our hair while we waited on the casserole to bake.  The closer it got to being done, the more delicious my house smelled.  Yum, nothing better than the smell of green chile.  After 45 minutes, I took it out of the oven and it looked delicious.

I continued getting ready all while texting Kyle about my nerves.  He reassured me that it would be fine and my dish would tasted good.  I left for the small group at a time when I knew I would arrive at least five minutes late to give others a chance to get there first.  I arrived at the house and immediately regretted joining the group.  I just felt very overwhelmed and uncomfortable when I pulled up to a house with children running in and out.  I called Kyle really quick to have him talk me out of wanting to leave and he did.

I got out of the car and walked up to the house, hoping that at least one other girl would be there, but that was not the case.  I was the first one to arrive and sat there for another 15 minutes before anyone else showed up.  The second lady to show up was the best friend of the host and I felt so awkward.  The host kept saying things like, "I hope other people show up."  Ummmmm, ya, so do I.  She said she was expecting about 8 ladies to be there.  It ended up being 5 ladies plus the host. 

All of the women there were older and had many children between the five of them.  I was the only one without children and I just felt very out of place.  Like, I love children, and they are definitely cute sometimes, but when somebody goes on and on about their kid that I don't know as if I do know them, I get very bored.  The other awkward part was out of 6 women, 4 were already friends with history. 

Have you ever hung out with a group of people who all either go to the same school, work at the same job, or come from the same small town?  If you have and you don't go the school, work at the job, or come from the same small town you know exactly how I felt.  It's awkward and boring to sit and listen to stories that you don't know.  It's not an easy way to engage in conversation.  You end up sitting there and just listening, never really having an opportunity to join in.

Sidenote:  If you are a hostess and this starts happening, stop it.  It's very uncomfortable for the new people. 

The night went on, we ate the food we brought, the host talked for about 20 minutes about her sorted past.  Again, not engaging the new people and leaving me to just sit and listen.  We then played Apples to Apples.  It's an alright game but it is not by any means a kick in the pants.  I was at the point where I wanted to go so badly that I was monitoring who was close to winning and trying to make them win so the game would be over. 

I said nice to meet you, grabbed my leftovers, and was out of there.  Needless to say, it was kind of a bust for me, but I am not giving up.  I have e-mailed the director of small groups to see if she can point me in the right direction to find a small group with younger girls who might be closer to my stage in life.  So now I wait to see what she says and I pat myself on the back for baking the dish, driving to the stranger's house, getting out of the car, being the first one to arrive, making what little conversation I could, staying to play the game, and just giving it all a shot.

Today has been much calmer.  I woke up at 7 a.m. instead of five, attended church solo, ran a few quick errands, and now just plan on relaxing today.

I will leave you with this quote:

"Courage is grace under pressure." - Ernest Hemingway

Xoxo,

Nicole  (and Tumnus)

A Life That's Good

Hi, do you watch Nashville?  If the answer is no, you are missing out.  I think I watch the show more for the music which is strange for me to say because if you know me well, you know country is my least favorite music.

On the show there are two characters, Maddie and Daphne, who sing together and make me incredibly happy.  They are played by sisters Lennon and Maisy Stella.  The fact that the little one can harmonize the way she does almost makes me mad.  : )  In a good way, of course.

Anyway, they sing a song on the show called "A Life That's Good" and I love the words to it.  It is my current anthem; especially the following part:

Sometimes I'm hard on me,
When dreams don't come easy,
I wanna look back and say,
I did all that I could,

Yeah at the end of the day, Lord I pray,
I have a life that's good.

Two arms around me, heaven to ground me,
and a family that always calls me home,

Four wheels to get there, enough love to share,
and a sweet sweet sweet song.

At the end of the day, Lord I pray, 

I have a life that's good.

Jesus is all that matters to me in this world and if I keep him at the center of my life, what else do I really need.  Everything good about my life is just the overflow of his love for me:  My husband, my family, and my friends.

Life is good and here is a little update on life:

We are  s t i l l  waiting on the loan.  This time it is not anything to do with the bank, but rather with LegalZoom.  My brother told me to blame Robert Shapiro, but he is only one of the founders of LegalZoom and is too old for me to be mad at.  The whole process with LegalZoom has been enlightening and has come with an age old moral:  Don't use LegalZoom.  Clearly that is not a real saying, but you can be sure it will be in the Gray Household.  If we have gained anything out of our experience with LegalZoom it will the experience to warn others about.

We have been looking at a property that used to be an old church.  We loved it, la, la, la, but a potential problem arose when we called the City of Norman to see if we could use the property as a chiropractic office.  Apparently it is zoned as residential.  Kyle was a little bummed that this roadblock occurred, but I gently reminded him what he has told me since we began planning this adventure in November of last year:  "If it's meant to be, it will happen.  God shuts doors in order to open others."  

Yesterday, we looked at a property that we drive by all the time and that had really caught my eye when we were first looking last year.  It is closer to our house than the other.  It is on a busier street than the other.  We looked at the inside and immediately I could visualize the potential of the space.  This is normally a difficult task for me.  I am not good at looking at nothing and seeing what it could be.  The last tenants used it as a start up church and bless their hearts, should stick to ministry and not venture off into interior design.  The colors were enough to make you turn around and walk back out, but like I said, I saw the potential right away.  

This office is located right across from another chiropractor and so the ball is pretty much in his court.  The real estate agent was going to talk to the owner and ask her to contact him to see if he would have any problem with us moving in across from him.  We were told the owner would rather have a vacant space than not do right by her preexisting tenants.  We completely understand and owe him that courtesy.  We just hope he says, "Come on over!"  This is something you can say a prayer about if you are a praying person.

We have already committed to getting more involved in a church here in Norman and are already seeing the fruit of this commitment.  We met the pastors wife on Wednesday and she is ready to be our first patient!  We have actually met a few people who have told us to let them know when we open so they can come in to see Kyle.  

We joined a small group for married couples and attended the first one last night.  We sat by a really sweet couple, Erin and Bretten.  They too just moved here in January from Missouri (Springfield area) and they are just the nicest couple.  They have been married 8 years and have 2 little girls.  We talked with them and answered discussion prompts about everything from who had the most fun at our wedding to what our dream vacations would be.  We went around the circle and shared how long we had been married and what we felt our relationship was like out of five choices:  Kiddie Ride, Merry Go Round, Bumper Cars, Roller Coaster, or Tunnel of Love.  Out about 15 couples, we were the only ones to say Tunnel of Love.  We were also one of two couples without kids, so who knows?  

I am excited about this group because it is difficult to find married couples to hang out with, but also because with all the experience in the room we are bound to learn from each other.  One couple said they were Bumper Cars and that their marriage is not the best right now, which is why they were giving this group a shot.  I can only pray that it does help and that they stick together.

I also joined two other small groups that are just for women.  One is cooking/crafts and the other is just crafts.  The cooking/crafts one meets for the first time tomorrow and it will be a cooking night.  We are supposed to bring our favorite Mexican dish and the recipe.  I am bringing Green Chile Casserole. One, because it has green chile, which runs through New Mexican veins and two, because it is simple.  My anxious little heart has worried about tomorrow off and on since I found out the first meeting will be tomorrow.  This is mainly because I do not like the unknown.  

This is me really stepping outside of my comfort zone because I will be venturing to a strangers' house on my own to meet up with more strangers.  This too is something you could pray for.  I know that if I want to make friends here, I have to step out there more and not be a hermit.  Being a hermit is something that I enjoy a lot but I also enjoy relationships.  

I am meeting my parents in Las Vegas in a week to see Celine Dion with my mom.  I am looking forward to this not only because I'm seeing Celine in Vegas, but also because I enjoy getting to see my mom and dad.  The last time I saw them was good but centered around a funeral, so it will be nice to see them for a more joyous occasion.

I miss my Grandma very much.  It is the most I've missed her in all these years I've lived far from home.  I've pinpointed why I miss her so much and it is because I do not talk to her every day anymore and haven't since her memory took such a turn.  It's very difficult to have conversations with her on the phone because she cannot hear very well or really remember anything.  I miss calling her every day and hearing her say, "Hi, hun, how are yooouuu?  She's a doll and I know it's just part of life but there are definitely things you wish you could hold on to forever and she is one of them.

I am beyond ready to start a family.  I don't know if it is because of one thing or a culmination of things but I just feel so ready that I could explode.  It does not help that every one I know is pregnant.  I've always thought that children are cute; I was a nanny for a living, but more than ever I find myself staring at babies out in public and wanting one myself.  I know the time will come when God is ready and for that I am thankful because there are a ton of aspects of pregnancy/parenthood that scare me to the core.  

I was a little bummed when I was originally told that my maternity coverage would not go into affect for 12 months from when I buy the policy, but we met with our insurance agent on Sunday and she told me that a 12 month waiting period was no longer the case.  Hallelujah.  I was thrilled when she said that because just knowing I have more of an option is wonderful.  

Well, this ended up being a lot longer than I had intended and I know a certain puppy that would probably enjoy some Vitamin D.  I pray all who read this are happy and healthy.  

Xoxo,

Nicole