Role Reversal

   Today I went to lunch with my grandma and my parents.  I, of course, picked up my grandma and drove her to lunch.  Every time I help her in the car, I have to help her with her seat belt.  Today as I was buckling her up before we headed back to her house, I realized that our roles have completely reversed. 

   When I was a little girl, she used to buckle my seat belt when I had trouble.  Then, I could do it on my own and she would race me.  We would get in the car and it was just understood that the race to buckle my seat belt first had begun.  I always won, but as I remember now, she tended to hold hers a little longer to let me win.

   Now, I help her into the car, I buckle her seat belt, and she holds onto me when she walks to avoid falling.  Every time I see her now I feel as though she is progressively older and older.  It makes me sad.  Lately she talks about my Papaw a lot.  I went to see her on the 2nd because it would have been their 68th wedding anniversary.  I brought her a strawberry milkshake.  She opened up her door and said, "Oh, just what I needed."  She looked as though she had been crying.

   I feel so bad, because there is not much I can do to make her feel better.  I began to ask her about her wedding day; what she wore, where it was, etc. and I think it made her feel a little better.  But in doing so, I felt more and more like I am missing out on something so special:  a granddad.  It made me wonder what it would have been like to have him there.  Would he have been sitting in the living room chatting with us, chiming in?  Would he have been in the kitchen reading the newspaper or outside picking up pecans?  Would he have liked me?  Would he have called me honey or darlin?  Would he have looked at my grandma lovingly when she was telling me about their wedding day?

    Not knowing either of my granddad's makes me so sad sometimes, but I know it's not anyone's fault.
It's just something I have a really hard time accepting.  I think the fact that the only grandparent I have left is my grandma makes it much more difficult. 

    I look forward to maybe meeting them in Heaven.