So, I can already tell that the next two weeks will be rather long. 
I am kind of excited though because I have really slacked off in areas that I don't want to.
Kyle and I are trying to keep each other accountable, but it's funny because we both didn't do any of the things we are keeping each other accountable for while he was in Albuquerque this weekend.

My things are:
1.  Keeping my apartment clean. (This was hard because I felt like I was washing dishes the whole weekend and I just wanted to spend time with him)
2.  Read my devotion book daily and journal about it.
3.  Walk M W F and do strength stuff T TR S
4.  Doing my Nutrisystems (This is hard because I did exchanges and am still waiting on them.)
5.  Be in bed by 9:30 (This one is my favorite!)

I had a really great weekend.  It's fun when Kyle comes because he brings everyone together.  People like to hang out with them, so I get to inadvertently hang out with people.

Thursday night we had dinner with Brad and Hayley at Chili's.  I like hanging out with them.  Brad makes me laugh with his dad jokes.  I really like to hang out with Hayley because I am still getting to know her.  People interest me, especially people that don't give away everything about themselves at first, and that's Hayley.  I like to watch them together too because you can tell they really care about each other.  Couples like that are my favorite and it's cool that there is someone for everyone.  I also like that they do stuff like this together. 

After the movie we went and saw Brothers and I loved it.  Let's just move past the fact that Jake Gyllenhaal looked amazing and had a really cool character.  Aside from that, the girl that played Isabella, the oldest daughter, was amazing.  The whole time I was thinking, "this girl is going places."  Anytime she would cry, it sold it.  Her name is Bailee Madison and I can't wait to see her in something else.  I really liked the movie and it wasn't at all what I thought it was going to be. 

Friday was quite uneventful.  Zak came over at about noon and then I had to leave and go to class at 2:00.  I came back at about 4:00 and just hung out with Kyle.  I showed him a game I play on the computer called Mahjong Solitaire and he got hooked. I swear he played it like a million times.  Zak came over later and we made some pizza and watched short track skating.  Apollo got DQ-ed ugh.  I am pretty sure having a Canadian reviewer is like the dumbest thing ever.

Saturday was not so much fun.  I woke up at 6:00 a.m. with a really bad stomach ache.  I finally went back to sleep and then woke up at 7:00, feeling worse.  I took some medicine and fell asleep on the bathroom floor, wrapped in my towel.  I don't know why but ever since I was a little girl, I have always laid on the bathroom floor when I was feeling sick.  I woke up at 8:00 on the bathroom floor and went back to my bed.  Kyle woke me up at 9:30 and asked if I needed anything.  There are a few things that can really say a lot about a guy, and the way he treats you when you are sick is one.  I told him I needed Pepto and a Sprite and he came back with Pepto, a Sprite, and a People Magazine.  If you knew Kyle, and you knew me, you would know that meant the world to me.  I love People Magazine and he hates that I spend money on them, so him buying it for me says so much.

 

Later that day we went to see Shutter Island.  I was still feeling a little weird but I wanted to see it.  It was really good.  I was nervous the whole time and jumped in my seat like ten times, but it was worth it.  After Kyle and I went to my apartment where we continued to play Mahjong.  : )  Zak came over later and we played a little trivia, and had quite a few laughs.  It reminded me of Seattle, minus the freezing cold apartment with no cell service and only 4 basic TV channels.

 

Today, Kyle and I went to the 9:15 church service.  They played a video that broke my heart.  So now I am trying to get up the courage to go and give plasma to make some money to give away.  Then we came back to my apartment.  Kyle did some homework, which was extremely entertaining.  He talks to himself like a crazy person, the entire time.  Zak came over and we watched the USA v. canada game and I cried when USA tied it up right in the last 20 seconds, then was so let down when they lost.  Then, Kyle left.  : (  But it's okay.  Just 12 days until I go home again, and then five days until we go to St. Louis!  : )    

Where I'm From

I had to write this poem for my student teaching class.  It ended up being kind of fun, so I thought I would share.  Try it, it's fun.  It's called Where I'm From .  I didn't follow it completely, but if you click on Where I'm From below, it will take you to a website that shows the template of the poem by George Ella Lyon.

Where I'm From

I am from Pinesol, from Bibles and old cassette tapes.

I am from the pool in the backyard I swam in every summer.

I am from front yard baseball, Mr. Dudley's Oreo's, and Mountain Shadow Drive; the street that lead me to school, to friends, and to a house that was home.

I am from grilled cheese sandwiches and "I love you, Mom" notes, from Tetris and Clue, and from dos and from don'ts.  

I am from the practical and rash, from rise and shine and give God the glory.

I'm from bedtime prayers and Price is Right, from Disneyland and black and white.

I'm from tiny Post, Texas where Grandmother lived.  

From the rolls of quarters granddad had and the clip-on earrings that Granny wore.

I'm from the blankie from Grandma that's tattered and torn.

In a cabinet at home are the many home videos, replaying moments I often forget, of the faces of angels and family still here.  

I am from the memories recorded and the stars of the tapes, the voices I hear, and the steps that I take.

Chop Chop

I need to get busy cleaning my apartment.

I don't know when my parents will get here.

I need to write a Children's Book and a Poem for class next week.

I don't know when I will.

I need a hair cut, but it can't be expensive.

I wish I had an established hair stylist.

I am afraid that if I go to someone, they will trim more than I want, and I finally feel like my hair is long after almost two years.

I am trying to grow it out really long.

I know this sounds silly but when I get married, I want it long and beautiful, so I am not cutting it until I get married.

Unless that is a REALLY long time and it just gets unbearable.

I want it like this girl:

Wish List

My mom always said, 

"Wish in one hand, spit in the other; see which fills up faster."  

But, Jiminy Cricket said,

 "When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you."

These are things I hope to have one day:

Boy Meets World Seasons 1-7

                                                                     A Floor Globe for My Living Room

A Southern Style Home with a Nice Porch and Yard

California King-Sized Canopy Bed with a Tempurpedic Mattress

A Nice Dining Room Table

A Rocking Chair for My Dream Porch

To Understand and Be Understood

I have decided that I will never understand so many things.

I will never understand people.
-Why would anyone tell you they are going to meet up with a group of people, whom you know as well, and not invite you to go?
-Why would anyone not think to include you in a mutual group?
-Am I really not that interesting?
-Have I brought it upon myself?

I will never understand why things hurt so much.
-Why is it that you can hear the same thing from two different people, and it only hurts coming from one of them?

I will never understand myself.
-Why is it that my heart is so sensitive?
-Why is it that not hearing from someone can totally alter my entire day?
-Why is it that I hate to be in bed, sleep in late, etc., but I can't wait to go home and be in bed when I am having an awful day?
-Why is it that the one person I want to talk to about everything doesn't understand the way I feel 90% of the time, yet can make me feel loads better?

I will never understand.

Need You Now

I am obsessed with the song Need You Now by Lady Antebellum.  I think I like the melody and most of all, I can really relate to one part of the song:


Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now


I have realized through the course of my long-distance relationship that I often need to talk more than he does.  This gets me in a lot of trouble.  I call to say something dumb or silly, and end up feeling annoying and like I am a bother.  


It's not that I need him, need him, but it's that sometimes just having someone to tell the dumb stuff to is nice. 


I guess this will have to do for a while because my phone issues heighten when I am either about to start my period, on my period, or just coming off of my period.


My solution today:  Blog or just wait for him to call.


Girls are crazy.  I blame Mother Nature. 


In all honesty though, I wish I knew how to not be crazy during my time.  

A Weekend at Home

This past weekend was very bittersweet.  I loved my time at home with my Valentine, but at the same time it didn't feel like home when I was at my house.  All the walls are painted bland colors, the cabinets too.  The knick-knacks are gone so the house looks big and somewhat not lived in.  Other than that, it was wonderful.

The more time I spend with Kyle, the more I wonder how we didn't get together sooner.  I have honestly never known someone that I can spend endless hours with and never grow tired of.  I have told him before that I miss him even when are still together just thinking about not being with him.  I think that is pretty rare that you miss someone before they are even gone.

He gave me the cutest Harry Potter Valentine's because I had told him how in elementary school I had always been the only one of my friends to not have a valentine.  Plus, I am pretty sure I am Hermione nad he is Ron.

We made dinner last night for Valentine's Day and it was so yummy!  It was fun making it together and shopping for all of the ingredients.  I always leave home with a little ache in my heart knowing it will be however long until I see him again.  The worst feeling is not knowing for sure when I will see him again.  I like to know that in x amount of days, I will get to see him.  It gives me something to look forward to, and I like to know what's going to happen.

When I got to his house Thursday night, he gave me his Logan: College of Chiropractic pin and said, "Since your my girl, I thought you could wear my pin."  I have worn it everyday since.  I love that old-fashioned idea, especially since we won't be in the same town, let alone the same state when he goes off to school in the fall.

I really feel so incredibly blessed to have him in my life and I can't imagine a better person for me.

St. Louis

I am so excited because I get to go to St. Louis on the 17th of March with my bf, his mom, and Bill.  I have never been there, which excites me, but more than that I am excited to see where Kyle will be going to school for the next three years.  I am so excited for him to be going to school to be a chiropractor.  It will be so nice to be a part of the tour of the school and seeing the trailer park that he will be living in. 



I am excited to see the Gateway Arch.  I love to go places that I have never been and see what the towns are like.  This will be so much fun and I just can't wait.

1610 Mountain Shadow

Well, I was hoping it wouldn't work out, but my parents are buying a new house.  It's in Quail Hollow and it is one story.  It's rather spread out.  My mom just texted me and I just lost it.  I didn't think I would react that way.  My house on Mountain Shadow was the only home I ever knew and it will be hard to ever feel at home in the new one.

It's cool for my mom, but it's super weird.  I would have never thought that last Christmas and Thanksgiving would have been my last in that house.  I loved that house.  It is hand's down my favorite house in Carlsbad, even if I didn't live in it.

This sucks.

Little by Little

I started Nutrisystems on Tuesday the 26th of January, and then went home that weekend, kind of cheated a bit (Cortez, the drive-in, and Kyle's mom's cooking), started back Tuesday the 2nd, and I have lost seven pounds.  I am pretty proud of this not because of the number but because of the way I feel.  Seven pounds is not that much but I can tell in my face and I just feel a lot more comfortable.  I still have a ways to as far as my goal is concerned, but I am very proud.  My brother commented last night that he could see that my face looked good.  I always lose it there first, and it's not much, but it just has more definition and shape, and is not as "round."

I am also proud of myself for finding a church that I really like and stepping outside of my comfort zone.  I actually filled out a guest card and went after the service to meet the Pastor, Galen Woodward, (pictured left) and I also met a really nice lady named Karen, who is in charge of newcomers.  They were both really nice and told me about a college age service on Thursday nights that I am looking forward to trying out.  I won't be able to this Thursday, but I am excited to go the next week.  I really love this church.  I LOVE the worship.  Not only does the guy have an amazing voice, but they sing songs I have never heard that are really good.  I like Pastor Woodward's sermons, and I love how close it is to my apartment.  I could walk there and if you know me and how I hate to drive far, you know how much this means to me.  I love how it's short and to the point.  Sometimes when people ramble I lose focus and get antsy and then lose out on the message.

I am also proud to say that I made the Dean's List for the College of Education at UNM with a 4.06.  I got the letter last week and was so excited to find out that my hard work had been noticed.  This might seem minuscule to some who have done this forever.  I made the Dean's List numerous times at Northwest, but I have never had a 4.06 in college and I am really proud of it.  I am proud because I was new to UNM, new to Albuquerque, and I worked hard to get the grades I got. 




Little by little, I am finding my way in Albuquerque and I am finding peace with the present.  This is such a blessing to me.

Men

Men often scare me.
I wonder if I stereotype.
I don't think I do it on purpose, but sometimes I think I am right.
On the way out of the movie tonight I saw a guy and I thought, "This guy could be trouble."
I immediately got nervous, grabbed my pepper spray inside my purse just as he called out, "Hey, you're beautiful."

I most cases, I would be flattered, but rather than feeling warm inside I felt angry.
Angry that he has the power to scare me.
Angry that he took something that would normally not be a threat, and made it one.

I get so irritated with men like that.
I get so mad that because of guys like that, I don't want to go anywhere by myself at night.

I am very independent.
What is weird is that men like that make me feel like I need a man around.

I think the most frustrating thing is that I was not at all good looking today, and guys like that make me want to not look good at all in order to prevent feeling threatened.

Ugh.

Girl Talk

She'll never know how much it means to me to just talk for thirty minutes here and there about petty girl things. 

Somehow I have found myself in a phase of my life called "I have no girlfriends" phase.  I am not going back on my word, I still think girls are the worst, but there are many days when I think "man I wish I could tell a girl this."

Kyle is great.  He is most definitely my best friend, but he is still a boy. 

It makes me so happy to get to talk to her every once in a while.



I really need to go on a long walk in the morning for a few reasons:

1.  I haven't exercised at all this week.
2.  I cheated tonight . . . oh well.
3.  I need some happiness and exercise makes me happy.


I need to clean my apartment.  I really don't know why I can't just clean it.  I have been "cleaning" it since I came back on the 17th.  Ha.  I wonder if it's because I don't want to be here.


My kindergartners were really funny today.
I had to test them on what they knew about themselves.
So I asked one boy, "what is your middle name?"  He answered, "Sonic."
I then asked the same boy when his birthday was and he said, "The 52nd."

One girl was tardy and came in to the classroom while Mrs. Chavez was asking why students were late.  Some had appointments, some had family issues, and this little girls says, "I'm just late, but I am wearing my special dress-up outfit."

It was really cute.

Another girl said, "I love you, Miss Nicole."
Another one has this thing where she whispers in my ear that she is a teacher too.  She then looks around to make sure no one is listening and asks me every Thursday if I remember what she told me.  I don't get it, but it's really funny.

I am looking forward to not having anywhere to go tomorrow until 2 p.m.

Soundtracks and Secrets

I am supposed to write for thirty minutes in the next week.  I am thinking it will be really easy.

Lately, I have been fascinated with music.  Yes, I love to sing, and I love to listen to music, but more than anything I love to listen to a song and picture a moment in my life.  Whether it is a moment passed, or a moment that I look forward to, I love to put a soundtrack to it.

Today, I put on The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel.  It is such a beautiful song and really puts the way I feel about love into perspective.  I've heard it said that "everything is more beautiful when you are in love" and I believe that to be a really honest statement.  The simplest things are beautiful.  My favorite part of the song is this verse:

The book of Love is long and boring.
It's full of charts and facts and figures and
instructions for dancing.
But I love it when you read to me and you
you can read me anything.

I know it might sound cheesy or sappy, but love to me means enjoying the most boring of moments.  When I hear this song I picture dancing with my husband on our wedding day.  The way I see it (if it were a movie) the people all around would be out of focus and only he and I would be clear, because that's the way I would feel in that moment.

Often times, more often than not, I experience something and have a song playing in my mind.

I hear the song Stolen by Dashboard Confessional and picture a handsome boy getting on one knee and asking me to marry him.  I hear Smile by Nat King Cole and I picture one day being able to cheer up my daughter when someone has hurt her feelings.  I hear Wildfire by Michael Martin Murphy and flashbacks of times with my granny flood my mind.  I hear Ice Age by Pete Yorn and I remember my freshman year of college when I felt so alone, but when I was also making new friends.  I hear Only You by David Crowder and I remember a time in my life when I was really sad and my heart was broken.  I hear Home by Michael Bublé and I remember all the times I have felt so homesick and my heart ached to be somewhere comfortable.  I hear Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay and I remember my crush on Kyle in the summer of 2008 and how nervous I felt when I was around him.  I hear Inflatable by Bush and I think of the first year I felt like my brother saw me as a friend and not just a little sister.

There are many times when a song will come on and at the drop of a hat, my eyes well up with tears.  I love the way music can be so influential and powerful, which is why I wish my voice could be heard.  The other night, at home, my brother and Kyle just played the guitar while I sang.  Kyle played mainly Beatles songs and Zak, stuff he has written.  It was one of my favorite moments.  I am so comfortable with familiar faces, a guitar, and a little bit of confidence.  I think I sound best with just an acoustic guitar, which is why I wish someone would pick me up to be in their folk band, or even better, that Kyle and I would be cool enough to start one.

There are many things I dream about, that I don't tell a soul, but maybe one day just one dream of mine will become a reality.

When I listen to music, I get antsy.  I wish so badly that I could sing with some of the people whose voices I admire most.

Maybe one day.