So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good Night

Today is my last day and night in my home in Chesterfield, MO.

Most of our belongings are packed up in boxes except for some clothes, toiletries, and a few dishes.

I woke up with such a bittersweet feeling in my heart this morning as I am ready for the next chapter, but I am also very sad to say goodbye to the life we have created here in Missouri.

I was reminded of the song, "So Long, Farewell" from the Sound of Music and how fitting the words of the first verse and chorus are to my feelings today. 

There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple too
And up in the nursery an absurd little bird
Is popping out to say, "Cuckoo" (Cuckoo, cuckoo)
Regretfully they tell us but firmly they compel us
To say goodbye to you

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu

I have really enjoyed St. Louis.

As a city, it has brought some really great memories from City Museum to the Arch to Cardinals, Blues, and Rams games.  There's the Art Museum, the Botanical Gardens, and Forest Park.  

Kyle would maybe say that trying all of the food was his favorite part.  When you come from a tiny town in Southeastern New Mexico your choices are Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Chinese, Mexican, Chili's.  Some of Kyle's favorites have included Pappy's, Bogart's, and the Shaved Duck. (All BBQ joints)

St. Louis as a city provided a ton of fun, but it also allowed me to meet some really great people; people that I will miss very dearly.

St. Louis was our first home as a newly married couple, so I will always have a special place in my heart for it.  

St. Louis was where we got our precious puppy, Mr. Tumnus, and the trailer was his first home too.

I will miss St. Louis, the people, the food, and the sights; but I am also looking forward to our next chapter in Norman, Oklahoma (home of James Garner).

We've been talking for the last month or so about all the things we will not miss about Missouri/our trailer and all the things we will miss about Missouri/our trailer.  

Here's a peek into the things we will not miss:

1.  We both will not miss Missouri driving.  Spend just one day driving in this city and it's surrounding suburbs and you will know exactly what I mean.  It's fascinating how bad they really are and how they all do the same things.  Freaky.

2.  I will not miss the humidity in the summer and how long the winter feels.  Walking outside in the summer and immediately sweating is not my cup of tea.  This desert rat is not made for the humidity.  And in the winter, I feel as though I imagine the Narnians felt when the White Witch made it winter for ages, (but at least I got Christmas).

3.  I will not miss the way my oven is not level and how I can only use two burners on my stove.  

4.  Kyle will not miss hand washing dishes.  He is looking forward to a dishwasher.  He has mentioned it several times.  I told him it would be super funny if we got to our new home and the dishwasher was broken.

5.  I will not miss the trailer park and parking on the street and nearly running over people/kids all the time because the street is so small.

6.  We will both not miss the sound our air conditioner makes when it's on.  It's a high-pitched whistle that truly you don't notice after a while, but when visitors come over and mention it, you can't help but notice all over again.

7.  We will not miss how when the littlest amount of smoke is in the house all of the alarms go off immediately and do not quit until we cover them with a jacket.

8.  I truly will not miss Missouri accents.  For example, forty = farty, short = shart, Lord = Lard, etc.  One time my former boss said, "It makes the patients fell like I sharted them," and that was really the only time that I was glad for a Missouri accent because even though I knew he meant shorted, it's way funnier to think of the boss I didn't like sharting on someone.

And now onto the more positive side, the things we will miss:

1.  We will most definitely, without a doubt miss our home.  It's our first home. It's tiny, it makes weird noises, the kitchen is not level, it smells musty when we get back from a trip; but it was ours and we have had so many wonderful memories in this tiny, little home.

2.  We will miss the people.  This is something I never get used to.  I wish everyone I loved lived in the same place because I always miss the people that I meet in all the places I have lived.

3.  We will miss the city.  It's a great city.  There's so much to see, do, taste, and explore.  It's a wonderful city.

4.  We will miss the proximity of the necessities around us.  We live smack dab in the middle of the mall and another shopping/dining area.  We rarely have to go outside of a 2 mile radius to get anything.

5.  We will miss Trader Joe's!!!!!  Oh my, this one hurts.  There are NO Trader Joe's in the state of Oklahoma.  You better know I will be e-mailing some TJ higher ups to get on the ball about this.

6.  We will miss our favorite restaurants.  There really is a lot of great food in STL.

7.  I will miss the library.  It's seriously right around the corner from my house; so close, I could walk.  I'm glad I will still have a library in Norman though.

8.  I will miss the family that I work for.  Seriously, they are great people, and have been such a blessing to me the last two years.

I'm very sad to go and leave this little home we created, but I'm looking forward to being settled finally and knowing that I am not going to have to move any time soon.

I really loved our little kitchen and the window in it.

There's my crooked oven.  Bless it's heart.

Our living room where we spent most of our time.

I will not miss these gray walls. Looking forward to a new bedroom.

Our little guest room.  So glad my Grandma got to stay here once.

Our first home.  

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night, St. Louis!

Xoxo, 

Nicole

 

Hair Tips from a True Hair Dummy

During my brief time in Chesterfield, I have gotten my hair cut at three different salons and by five different stylists.  During my time in Albuquerque, I got my hair cut by numerous different people as I just went and took whoever the salon put me with.  The same happened in Seattle.  And due to small town drama, I've also had my fair share of stylists in Carlsbad.

Over the course of my haircut history, I have been told/asked the same thing (in different ways) by most of the stylists:

1.  You have such healthy, beautiful hair.
2.  I can't believe this is your natural color.
3.  Do you dye your hair?
4.  Did you recently cut your hair short?  No?  Really?!  I'm surprised because most girls who are growing out their hair have such bad damage.
5.  Never dye your hair.  People dye their hair to get your color.
6.  I love your natural color and how much shine your hair has.

My favorite was on Friday when a Paul McCartney look-alike stylist, with a British accent, said to me, "You have nice hair."  I imagined it was actually Paul telling me that so of course in my head I said, "And you sir, have the voice of an angel."

Now, this blog is just meant to be silly.  I by no means think I actually know anything about hair, but when stylists spread out from the Pacific Northwest to the Midwest compliment my hair I can only begin to think that I must be doing something right.  Right?

After my haircut this past Friday I decided to share some of my hair tips with you.  So, basically, I am just going to tell you everything that I do.  Take it or leave it.

1. Go as long as you can without washing your hair.  I usually make it about three days. Shower caps are my best friend. 
2.  When conditioning, put most of the conditioner on the hair that would be in your ponytail and leave it on there while you do other stuff in the shower (soap, shave, sing, etc).
3.  Towel dry gently.
4.  Don't use a blow dryer.
5.  Let your hair drip dry.
6.  Go out into public with wet hair if you must.
7.  Sleep on a satin pillowcase (this I learned from my beautician Grandma).
8.  Brush your hair only when you feel guilty that you haven't in a while.
9.  Never style it with a flat iron, curling iron, or anything with heat. (If you must, maybe once a month, go for it).
10.  Constantly run your fingers through it.
11.  Rarely wear it in a ponytail.  (Seriously, like twice a month).
12.  Just wear it however it lies.
13.  When shampooing, massage your head really well, rinse, and let the rest of the shampoo get the ends of your hair as it's washing out. 
14.  Spray Organix Brazilian Keratin Therapy Shimmering Keratin Oil on damp hair every so often.
15.  Basically, care less about it.

November 9th, 2013

I am incredibly grateful for Christmas music.
I have a rule that as long as it's November, Christmas music is allowed.
There is an exception to that rule:  Christmas hymns are allowed whenever, all year long.

Just today I was playing O Come, O Come Emmanuel on the piano and my spirits were lifted 100 percent.  There are verses in that song that I never knew existed and they are wonderful.

For instance,

O come, Thou Key of David, come,

and open wide our heav'nly home,

make safe the way that leads on high,

that we no more have cause to sigh.

And,

O come, Desire of the nations, bind

in one the hearts of all mankind;

bid every strife and quarrel cease

and fill the world with heaven's peace. 

 

 

Tell me that those aren't just the most wonderful things to sing about.

There is something about Christmas hymns that just gives me such a sense of peace.  I was singing some of my favorites tonight and Kyle said from the other room, "I love Christmas music."  I told him that I did also and that I feel my voice was made for Christmas music.  I love to sing and I'm pretty decent at it.  I'm better than most reality housewives if that gives you an idea of my ability.  But, when I sing Christmas music, there is something that just fits.  I told Kyle, "I feel as if singing Christmas music is what I was made to do."  There is not really anything in the world that makes me feel like that.

For years and years now, I've wanted to be a known recording artist simply so I could record a Christmas album of my own.  I really care about nothing else but the Christmas album.  When I was younger and I was taking piano lessons, my teacher would gripe at me so much because I NEVER practiced.  I hated practicing . . . until Christmas would come along.  Around Christmas, she would get me Christmas piano books full of my favorite songs.  I would practice the ones I was supposed to work on and go ahead in the book to the others because I love Christmas music that much.

It's a dream of mine to one day record a Christmas album and it's one I really hope I see happen one day.

If you are one of those "Don't listen to Christmas music til after Thanksgiving people," you are missing out.  Capitalize on your time with the best music of the year.

Some of my other favorites are:

O Holy Night
Silent Night
Away in a Manger
I'll Be Home for Christmas
White Christmas
The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Baby, It's Cold Outside
Santa, Baby
Sweet Little Jesus Boy
Angels We Have Heard on High


Xoxo,

Nicole

P.S. - I'm SO excited for all things Christmas!!!!!!

November 6th, 7th, and 8th

Today's blog will have to include Wednesday, Thursday, and today.
Wednesday I got the migraine of a century which spilled over into Thursday.
All I wanted to do Wednesday and Thursday was sleep and cut my head off, so I didn't get around to writing about what I was thankful for.
Although I didn't feel like writing about it, I did think about it very much.

November 6th, 2013
Tuesday night I was laying in bed, almost asleep, and I heard my brother's text ringer and I told Kyle, "I really want to know what that says but my phone is on the charger."  I decided to wait until the morning.  Wednesday morning I woke up and checked my phone for all the missed notifications and read my brother's text.  All it said was, "You're very thoughtful and it's something I wish I was better at.  Just wanted to tell you."

I'm very grateful that I have a brother who is not afraid to lift me up and encourage me.
I really was blessed with the best brother.
Not only has he been a protector for me, he has been someone I look up to.
He always jokes that the first three years of his life were the best because I wasn't around yet, but I know that's not true.
We had the best childhood and we were always best friends.

My brother is genuine, sensitive, creative, and makes friends better than anyone I know.
Seriously, it's the thing about him that I wish I was more like.
I go somewhere new and make friends about a year later, or right when I have to leave.
My brother goes somewhere new and makes friends within like 5 minutes.

He also is really great at keeping in touch with all of his friends.
I am terrible at this.  It's one of my flaws.
I admire the time he puts into keeping in touch with friends.

He is smart.
He is accepting.
He is funny.
He is kind.

I am grateful for my brother.

Christmas - circa 1991

Seattle - March 2009

November 7th, 2013

On Thursday, I was most grateful for Benadryl.  I keep Benadryl in my medicine cabinet for my migraines.  Yes, you read that right.  I know Benadryl is for allergies, but for me it's for migraines.  Benadryl KNOCKS me out.  When I have a migraine all I want is to sleep or for someone to cut my head off.  It is not very rational to have someone cut my head off, so I choose to sleep through it.  That's where the Benadryl comes in.  I am able to take some at noon, sleep until 7, and then go right back to sleep at 9 and sleep another 10 hours.  I know, it's a lame thing to be grateful for, but I don't know what I would do without it.  I might cut my head off. 

P.S. - When I was younger and my family took long road trips my parents Benadryled my brother and I.  We woke up at our destination and my parents didn't have to hear "Are we there yet?" a million times.  It's genius.  We joke about it now.  Don't worry, they were good parents.  I personally liked sleeping until we got there. :)

November 8th, 2013

I am grateful for weekends.  I love having two days off to just recharge and be with my family.  I love not having to be anywhere.  I love having two full days just to ourselves.  I feel bad for people that have to work on the weekends because every week I look forward to Friday so much. 

My third grade teacher used to write T.G.I.F on the white board every Friday.  I always used to think, "Why is she so excited about Friday?"  That was probably because when you are a kid (and a nerd who liked school) Friday was just like any other day.  Now, as an adult, I wish I had a giant white board to write T.G.I.F. on every Friday.  I get it.  Thank God It's Friday!  Seriously, I thank God for Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays.

The weekend has arrived, people.  Take it in.  :)

Xoxo,

Nicole

November 5th, 2013

Today, I'd like to thank Jesus for my puppy, Mr. Tumnus.
More affectionately known as, Tummy.

Never in my life did I think I could love an animal as much as I love my little buddy.

I am grateful that nobody else wanted him.
I am grateful that he was so quiet and shy when I first met him (a kindred spirit.)
I am grateful that he is not the smartest breed because I'm convinced it makes for a better personality.
I am grateful that he rarely barks.
I am grateful that he is not scary.
I am grateful for the smiles he puts on the faces of people who see him with his head out my window.
I am grateful that he has so many weird habits like eating bugs on his back.
I am grateful that even when I have to get on to him, he wants to be close to me.
I am grateful that he follows me all over my house.
I am grateful that he is such a kind dog.
I am grateful that he is a cuddle bug.
I am grateful he jumps on us when we come home.   I know, la la la, dogs shouldn't jump, la la la.  I like it.  It makes me excited to come home.

There are so many times a day that either Kyle or I say, "That's my favorite thing he does," and it's always something different.  Clearly, we have trouble with just having one favorite.

The following list are just some of my favorite things about Mr. Tumnus.

1.  The excitement that follows me asking, "Do you want to go on a walk?"  He can be dead asleep and be asked that question and the response is always the same.  He jumps up, circles himself a million times, runs and jumps at whoever is in the room, runs and jumps up on the door, and then finally jumps up excitedly at the front gate.

2. The way he pokes his head through our bathroom door.  We have a really weird accordion type door and he always pushes a little bit of it open and then pokes his face in between it. 

3.  The way he rushes to our bedroom when either of us says, "Do you want to go to bed?"  He absolutely LOVES going to our bed. 

4.  The way he is cuddles up by us in the mornings.

5.  The way he cocks his head to the side when I ask him questions.

6.  The way he darts through the house so insanely fast and jumps off the back of the couch when we play chase.

7.  The way he follows me everywhere around the house and how he sits patiently waiting on me to go back to wherever I was before.

8.  The way he sits in the middle of the hallway when Kyle and I are in opposite rooms because his heart is torn as to who he should be with.

9.  The way he lays on our chest when we are laying on the couch.

10.  They way he really will cuddle with anyone who will let him.

11.  The way he digs and digs at the mattress and moves the blankets and pillows with his nose to get the perfect spot ready.

12.  The way he peeks his head in the shower if someone is in there.

13.  The way he paces while he is eating food.  He rarely just sits and eats his food.

14.  The way he looks out the window when Kyle or I leave.

15.  The way he LOVES company. 

16.  The way he races to the kitchen when he hears me open what sounds like the bag of carrots.  He loves carrots so much.

17.  The way having him around makes me talk like a complete fool.  It's beyond baby talk.  It's a problem. 


He is just the best dog and is constantly making me laugh.  He is a great pick-me-up after a long day or a bad day.  He is so excited to see me even if I just run to the car. 

I am so grateful for his company when Kyle is not around.  He really is man's best friend.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of my little bear.  

Everyone says I look like a Teddy Bear; I don't get it.

Cuddling with Daddy.

May I come in, please?

Wait, where are you going?!

Sigh.

If I lay on the sheets she won't be able to make the bed and she will have to cuddle.

Kisses from my best friend.

Having once lived under the reign of the White Witch, I don't mind a little snow.

OU fan.

Can you please open the door?

No Shave November.

I don't think TSA will notice me.

First night with the new guys.

My hair was so dark when I was a puppy.

Nothing better than snuggling with mom and dad on a lazy Sunday.

Patiently waiting for mom to come join us in the living room.

Deep in thought.

She takes way too many pictures.

I know you are trying to clean in there, but please let me in.

Exploring Narnia.

I hope if you have a dog or a cat, that you love them as much as I love this little guy.


Xoxo,

Nicole

November 4th, 2013

Today, I am thankful for my job.
I'm thankful for the fact that I have a job in general.
More specifically, I am thankful that I have a great job.

A job is a job and as with any job, there are moments of frustration.
But, those moments are far fewer than the great moments.

The greatest thing about my job is that I have free time to spend with Kyle and Mr. Tumnus.
 
My job allows me to have most of my mornings to get things done around my house, hang out with the pup, see Kyle more, and just do whatever the heck I want.
My job pays the bills.
My job allows me to be around a wonderful family.
My job is really training for the only job I've ever really wanted: Being a mom.
My job is super random.
My job allows me a lot of alone time, which I love.
My job is very flexible and something new every day.
My job is not a 9-5 (Bless those of you that have one of those.)
My job allows me time off to see my family and go on vacation with my husband.
My job is not really a job.
My job is not something I dread.
My job allows me to be around children without having to make lesson plans, do paperwork, or stress about teacher related things.

All in all, my job is really great and I'm very thankful for it.

This is a picture of me and the three children I nanny.

xoxo,

Nicole

November 3rd, 2013

Today, I am thankful for books. 

I am thankful for the writers of books and for their imaginations.  My imagination is so small and I love how a good book can really make me feel like I am a part of another world or someone else's life.  It's a wonderful thing to be able to escape for a little while to Narnia, or Hogwarts, or the Upper East Side of Manhattan. 

I am old school about books.  I do not like and will not ever like electronic readers.  E-readers to me are the worst thing to happen since i-Tunes.  There is just something about going to the library and scanning the shelves for a new book to read.  I love to sit in a chair with a blanket and hold a book.  I like taking my book with me places.  I like that people can see what I am reading and inquire about it.  I like when someone else is reading a book I can see what they are reading. 

I hope that books do not ever go out of style.  I hope they don't vanish the way VHS did when the DVD came along. 

Books smell good.  I love the smell of books.  I love the way the library smells when you enter it.  If I had my dream house, it would have a library built into it where I could just collect books and have them on display like some of these homes http://www.architecturaldigest.com/decor/2011-10/home-libraries-slideshow

Here are just ten of my favorite books:

Xoxo,

Nicole

November 1st and 2nd

I shall join in, a day late, on the November Thankfulness fun.  I will be attempting to say one thing of which I am thankful for every day during the month of November.

I'm going to combine November 1st and November 2nd in this one blog.

November 1st-

I am thankful for Jesus.  It is evident every day that the blessings He has given me are way more than I deserve.  Truly, I deserve none of it.  Everything that I am thankful for in my life is in some way because of Him.  Nothing of importance in my life would be possible without Him.  It is amazing how even when I feel like a terrible human being, He loves me.  There is always something that can be learned from Him; always something to model myself after.  I am thankful for my relationship with Him and for His constant guidance in my life.  The most amazing thing about Him is that He gives as much to everyone else as He gives to me.

In my life, there are times when I think, "I just can't give any more of myself today."  I get tired and often have the tendency to want to be selfish and I give into those tendencies from time to time.  Sometimes, I'm just spent thinking that I've been taken advantage of or that I'm giving way more than someone else is.  I am reminded often when I step back and think about all I have, that it shouldn't matter how much I have given or how much I feel someone else has not; I am called to serve and to be a reflection of Him.  I fall short every day, but I am thankful for the gentle reminders of what giving is really about.  He gives, and gives, and gives of Himself without ever asking for anything in return.  This is love and for this example of love, I am grateful.

My calendar for the month of November has this picture and while it is clearly not Jesus (or the Jesus people always put in paintings) it is a great visual of how much Jesus gives of Himself daily. 

November 2nd-

I am thankful for my husband.  There are many petty things about my husband to be thankful for; such as the way he takes my glasses off when I fall asleep reading or the way he opens the car door for me every time we go anywhere together.  Those things and so many other things are wonderful and make me feel very loved; but, I am thankful for much more than that.  I am thankful that my husband is a follower of Christ.  I am thankful that his relationship with Christ drives his choices and actions. 

I am thankful that He is a thinker and that He is critical of himself.  This is not something that many people are great at.  I think it is human nature to first be critical of others and wish that they would change things about themselves.  Kyle is critical of himself more than anyone else and has the ability to see his weaknesses and work on them.

If we are having the occasional argument, he is never rash.  He often will speak so slowly because he really thinks about what he says before he says it.  I am the complete opposite.  I tend to say whatever comes to my mind and in the heat of the moment it can be really snarky and bratty.  The whole time I am being this way I'm looking at my husband thinking, "How is he so calm?"  That's just Kyle.  He is calm, rational, and laid back.  All of these things challenge me because I tend to be irrational and high-strung. 

I am thankful for a husband that makes me want to be the best version of myself and that God placed me with someone who can teach me how to be all the things that I am not. 

Plus, look how insanely handsome he is.  Way out of my league.

Heaven

A few weeks ago my pastor asked us to turn to those around us and say what we are most looking forward to when we get to Heaven. Had he asked this years ago, my answer would have been "My Papaw and my Granddad."  That was always my answer because I never got to meet them and I know I would have loved them so very much.  However, when my pastor asked that question that day my eyes welled up and all I could think was, "I'm so excited to see Jesus." 

Even as I'm typing this my eyes are filling with tears because I cannot even imagine what it will be like to finally see Jesus, but I just know it will be the most amazing thing.  Heaven is a really overwhelming thought because no one knows what it will be like.  Most of the places I have been to have been great, but I knew what to expect.  I've either known someone who has been there, seen a picture on the internet, or seen something in a movie. 

I cannot even pretend to try and create in my mind what heaven will be like but I look forward to it so much. Sometimes, I think it will be like Ender's Game when Ender is on the ship and has to reorient himself to a new way of thinking about what is actually up and what is down. 

It's been weeks since the question was asked, but I thought about it again as I was playing Joan Osbourne's "One of Us" this morning.  In it she says, "If God had a face, what would it look like and would you want to see?"  I thought about that as I was playing and singing and I got really excited that someday I will get to meet Him face to face. 

It's strange because usually when I'm reading a book and getting to know the characters in the book, their faces and bodies begin to come to life.  I create in my mind these people that I've never met and they look nothing like anyone I know.  However, I have never put a face to Jesus.  When I picture him in my mind, a person does not even appear.  What I see is a little shack on a beach, standing tall amidst the biggest storm.  I've thought about it before and I think the image appears because He is my strength.  I am the shack; weak and ill-equipped to get through the storm, but He is bigger than the storm surrounding my shack and somehow keeping me all in one piece.  He is my security.  He is my fortress.  He is constant.  He is my peace.  Through the storm, it's with His help that I'm still standing.
 
My thoughts are scattered, but this is all to say, that I find joy in knowing that one day I will get to meet my creator.

What are you most excited about?  No, seriously.  I'd love to know.


In honor of the topic at hand, here is a cover of One of Us.

 

Xoxo,

Nicole 

Ink

A little over a month ago, I got my second tattoo.  I really like tattoos, even if they are not necessarily something I would get because there is always a story.  Recently, at the Taste of St. Louis I saw a guy whose entire face was decorated with tattoos.  My first thought was, "OUCH!" and my second, "I want to know those stories."  Why did he get them on his face?  What do they mean?  Are they for someone special?  Are they spirtual?  Are they a drunken mistake?  A dare?  Whether they are meaningful or a regret he has, there is a story there and I love a good story.

Not only do I love to hear a good story, I love to tell my stories.  Today, as I sit listening to Ludovico Einaudi play some beautiful tunes on the piano, I thought it would be nice to tell the meaning behind my two tattoos.  Disclaimer:  If you hate tattoos, I'm sorry.  You do not have to get one but my opinion on them is that they are cool and harmless.

Last December, Kyle got me my first tattoo for my Christmas gift.  For my first tattoo, I wanted something for my husband.  His first tattoo he got is my name (in my handwriting) on his arm.  So, it only seemed right to return the favor.  Ink for ink.  I thought about what I would get and where I would get my first tattoo for a really long time.  The place came to me first:  The top of my shoulder.  I was traveling to New Mexico and saw a girl with a tattoo on the top of her shoulder and instantly I knew that was where I wanted mine.

I was so excited to tell Kyle that I at least knew where I wanted the tattoo.  I just had to figure out what I wanted to get.  I thought about our wedding date, 04.30.11, but I just don't like the way those numbers look together.  Had I had more options of dates, trust me, we would have gotten married on a more symmetrical date.  My whole life I really pictured a November wedding, but when you are getting married to a chiropractic student, you get married on one of his two week breaks.  My options were April or August and who was I kidding; I couldn't wait until August to marry my best friend.

Finally, one day as I was thinking of things that are sentimental to the two of us, I thought of a song by Coldplay that was one of our songs when we were dating.  The song is Kingdom Come and it's a beautiful song.  The chorus goes a little like this, "For you I'd wait, til Kingdom Come.  Until my day, my day is done.  Say you'll come and set me free.  Just say you'll wait.  You'll wait for me."  This song was one we'd listen to together and one he would play on guitar as I sang to it.  On the inside of his wedding band (if it's not completely worn off) are the words, "Til Kingdom Come."  It's so simple yet it's really the core of a marriage.  For better or worse, til death do us part.  For me, til kingdom come is special because of our faith and belief that one day Jesus will come back and take all of His followers to Heaven to spend eternity with him.  (By the way, explaining this tattoo to a 9 year old Catholic Private schoolgirl is super tricky.)

So, I decided on getting "Til Kingdom Come" and I love seeing it and remembering so many things.  I remember us listening to that song, us playing that song, us planning our wedding, us getting married, the way he looked when I walked down the aisle, our first dance, our drive to Missouri, and the vows we took to love each other until the very end.

My first ink.  

Ask just about anyone who has gotten a tattoo before and they will most likely tell you the same thing:  After the first you get this tattoo craving and just want more and more.  Needless to say, I wanted another one right after getting my first one, but tattoos also cost money.  Ugh, I know right?  Greedy tattoo artists.  Not too long after getting my first tattoo I told Kyle that I wanted to get a Bible verse or something having to do with my faith before we move from St. Louis because I really like the shop I got my first one at and I really liked the artist. 

A couple months ago, I was reading my Bible and journaling, with my next tattoo designed and settled on.  The passage that I was supposed to read that day was from Matthew 6.  I was reading this passage and got to verse 25 and thought, "Okay, God.  I know what you are doing.  You are trying to tell me something here and it's not the first time."  You see, I'm a worrier; to a fault.  It's bad.  I think I get it from my grandma which is terrible because I always ask her, "Does worrying help anything?" when I should be saying the very same thing to myself.  I was really hit by this passage, even though it's about the 1,000th time I've read it.  The whole passage is great, but verse 26 just really puts everything into perspective.  It says, "²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

I love birds, but I believe I can safely say most people could care less about birds.  But, I believe I can also safely say that people care a great deal about people; especially those they love.  I can say the same for God.  For 25 years He has provided for me, cared for me, and sheltered me.  Why after 25 years would He just suddenly stop as if to say, "Okay, little girl, your on your own now."  That's just not the nature of God.  In that moment, I said to myself, "You are ridiculous.  Seriously, the birds are provided for by God, why wouldn't you be?  Why do you worry yourself sick over things that you cannot control?  Do your best and work hard, and God will take care of it all."  It was after that when I decided to change my tattoo idea and get Matthew 6:26 to be a constant reminder of how I need to trust God and not worry, for worrying really gets me nowhere.

After deciding on my tattoo, I decided to get it on my neck.  For aesthetic purposes, I wanted it somewhere that would be pretty but that I could also cover up if I didn't want it shown for some reason.  I also love birds and thought it was rather fitting to have some with the verse due to it being about birds.  

I suffer from headaches (some that I do not contribute to) and others that often come from worry and stress.  Before it starts to get really bad, I feel a lot of pain in my neck.  So, it only seemed fitting to have my next tattoo, a verse on not worrying, to be on my neck.  It's a great place because I'm very aware of my neck as I carry a lot of tension there throughout the day.  Anytime my neck is bothering me, whether it be from a long day or from a headache, I am reminded that even the birds are taken care of and to not worry.  I am not the best at not worrying and it is something that is difficult to just quit doing willy nilly, but I can honestly say that my tattoo is a wonderful tool in helping me remember all that I felt that day while I was reading the Bible.  

Ink Two.

So, those are my stories.  I hope to have many, many more.  If you have a tattoo, I'd also love to know the meaning behind it.   

Frame It

Today I thought I would share a little decorating idea that I had and that I have put into use in my home.

Trader Joe's has the cutest cards for 99 cents.  I'm truly a sucker for anything cute for 99 cents.  They switch out the cards regularly so when I see a super cute one, I grab it.  I've even bought multiple of some cards just because I like them so much.  Some are just pretty and some have quotes that I fall in love with.

I have always loved cards and when I'm shopping for a card to send someone I'm always thinking, "Man, I wish someone would send me this card.  If they did I would keep it and frame it."  This thought led me to my decorating idea:  Framing cards as decor.  All the ones I have framed are from Trader Joe's because they fit so nicely in a 5X7 basic white frame from Michaels (6.99).

Here are some I've framed, two of which are part of my kitchen fall decor.  The last one is my favorite find at Trader Joe's because it says, "You are one of my nicest thoughts," has hot air balloons, and is a Georgia O'Keefffe quote.  In other words, it's pretty much made for a New Mexican.

"Give Thanks"

Be Happy-It's one way of being wise."

The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.  -Audrey Hepburn

You are one of my nicest thoughts . . . " -Georgia O'Keeffe

 Xoxo,

Nicole

40 Facts about Me

Tuesday Morning
October 1st, 2013
Listening to:  My, My Love by Joshua Radin (on repeat)

Just a little bit about me.

1.  I'm 25 but I feel 20 (minus the whole college thing).
2.  I'm 5'7" but there are days when I feel like 5'10".
3.  My eyes are green with some blue at times and always with yellow in the center.
4.  I wish my hair was as dark as it is when it is wet but I don't want to dye it.
5.  Laying with my head on my husband's chest is my favorite place to be.
6.  If I were savvy enough to make a career out of blogging, cupcakes, crafts, or organizing, I would do it in a heartbeat. 
7.  I have serious baby fever.  I think it's because everyone I know is either pregnant or trying.  It could also be that I have just always wanted to be a mom.  It could be that my job is kind of mommish but without all of the mom perks.  It could also be a combination of all three.
8.  My grandma is my favorite person and I cry at least once a week due to her rapid decline in memory.
9.  My grandma gave me a baby blanket that I have slept with 99% of all the nights in my life.  It is so ragged and falling apart that one Christmas my brother gave me the one she gave him. 
10.  I often carry a jacket in my car just to have something to hold onto as kind of a surrogate blanket.  (I hate driving and also my life is overwhelming right now.)
11.  If I'm on a couch with a throw pillow, I will most likely be hugging that pillow.  I like to hug pillows, blankets, and my husband; but, I am not much of a hugger when it comes to other people.  I've always been a "touch-me-not."
12.  I have a slight fear of public restrooms that only have one toilet and the door is miles away from it.  Like, seriously, what would I do if the lock was broken?  I couldn't do anything. 
13. Sometimes Tumnus, my dog, does something so incredibly cute that I can't believe how much love I have for him.  Cuddling with him is one of my favorite things in the entire world.  This also scares me to have children because if I can love a dog that much, how much more will I love my own child?!
14.  I would get married again every day if I could.  It was the best day and I felt so pretty in my dress.
15.  I'm very shy at first, especially in large groups, but I love good conversation once I feel comfortable with you. 
16.  I hate listening to music with people on road trips.  I would rather talk or read a book in silence. 
17.  Driving long distances at any time of day makes me incredibly tired.
18.  I'm scared of having a middle schooler.  I hated middle school and felt so awkward all the time and I never want my kids to go through that but I know it's inevitable.
19.  I don't want to give up my NM license plate or drivers' license. 
20.  If I can't find something I need/want, I will not stop looking until I find it or until I absolutely have to be somewhere else and cannot look anymore.  If I stop because I have to go to work, I think about where it might be all day long.  I think I get that from my grandma.
21.  I'm paranoid when watching children on playgrounds or bleachers.  I'm pretty sure at any moment, one of them will need to go to the E.R. 
22.  I can remember what Kyle was wearing and where we were when I "fell in love."
23.  I love singing so much that sometimes it makes me angry that it's not more a part of my life.  Ellen, are you reading this?  You seem to make people's dreams come true.  I'd just like to be in a folk band or sing with some of my favorite singers.
24.  I cry really hard when a character in one of my favorite shows dies.  I guess it's because I feel that I know them.  I also cry at almost any proposal.
25.  My favorite candy is Airheads.  I don't know what that says about me.
26.  I will never understand the appeal of beer or really any drink that you "get used to."
27. I love Christmas.  It is my favorite holiday because of the songs, decor, anticipation, and all the different traditions. 
28.  I wish I still danced. (I'm not counting dancing by myself in my room.)
29.  In our next place, I'd like a room big enough where I can walk around both sides of our bed.  It's too much work to make the bed when it's against a wall and I love making my bed.
30.  One day I want a backyard and a doggy door for Tumnus to just do as he pleases.
31.  I'm a sucker for most Real Housewives Shows.  I'm fascinated at how they all get divorced and end up with an alcoholic beverage or song of their own.
32.  I wish I was friends with Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica in real life.  I wish I was the 7th "Friend."
33.  I love traveling.  (I just don't really have the means right now to do it.)  But when I do, I want to go to Scotland, Ireland, France, Italy, Greece, and states in America that I haven't been to.
34.  I have been to 13 Major League Baseball Stadiums.  I hope to go to all of them.
35.  I love receiving and sending mail.
36.  I know shockingly little about what is going on in the world.
37.  I have NO interest in anything political.  Never have.  Never will.
38.  I think insurance is a crock.  I pay so much a month and don't feel I get anything out of it.
39.  I love a good cry if I'm overwhelmed or stressed.  It calms me down.
40.  Target is one of my favorite stores.

That is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to who I am but I thought I would share it with you, whoever you are.

Xoxo,

Nicole

Movie Montage Memories

Doesn't everyone chase their dog around the house with tears in their eyes while Avril Lavigne's "Here's to Never Growing Up" is blaring in the background?  No?  Hmmm . . . that is really the state of my emotions lately.  The smallest thing can make me cry at the drop of a hat.  For instance, just earlier this week I was listening to "Wake Me Up" by Avicii and boom! tears.  Why?  Duh.  He sang, "I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands.  Hope I get the chance to travel the world, but I don't have any plans.  Wish I could stay forever this young; not afraid to close my eyes . . . So wake me up when it's all over; when I'm wiser and I'm older.  All this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost.  I didn't know I was lost."  Seriously, if I were one of Snow White's dwarfs, my name would be Weepy. 

There are a LOT of changes coming in the next few months and I do feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.   There are necessary things we need to do and then there are other things that are not so pressing, but have to be done at some point.

1.  We have to sell our trailer (in the next three months).
2.  I have to pack up all of my stuff.  I'm not hoarder status, but yes, I'm sentimental.  Which means I have a lot of what most people would call junk.
3.  We have to decide where we will be living and what Kyle will be doing.  (Associate, start his own practice, or buy an existing practice).  I think we have this somewhat narrowed down and if we end up doing what we think we will do, there is A LOT of work that comes with that.
4.  Once we find out where we are moving to, we have to find a place to live.  I've been going on Zillow lately just seeing what housing is available in the areas we are thinking of and it's kind of just eh.  You know like not, "Wow, that's cool." or "No, that's disgusting."  It's lukewarm, for a lack of better words.  (Money is a big factor here and while it doesn't solve every problem, it sure helps)
5.  I have to find a job (maybe) wherever we are moving.

These things are the weight on my shoulders.  However, that's not really what's making me emotional.  I think what is making me so emotional is knowing how much I really do love my life here in Chesterfield, MO.  While I absolutely hate the weather (too humid/cold).  I love my home, I love my job, and I'm just really comfortable here.  But, I do believe that we should never get too comfortable.  We need challenges and struggles.  I'm just not big on change.

Lately, I have had little "Movie Montage Moments."  I may be the only one that does this, but often while I am experiencing a moment I think to myself, "If I were a character in a movie and I was reflecting back on good memories, this would be one of the ones in my movie montage."  It's almost as if I store these memories somewhere special and I know they will be something I will want to dig up one day. It happens a lot when a good song is on and I think "This is the song that would be playing on the soundtrack of my movie!"

I have had so many MMM's here in Missouri and I would like to share some of them as I am feeling overwhelmingly sentimental.

1.  Boxes of stuff, everywhere in my trailer.  Kyle and I were unpacking all of our wedding gifts in the kitchen and deciding where to put all of the new things we had gotten.  It looked like such a big project, but it was so much fun and so exciting.  It was the mark of our new life together for me; deciding where to put all of our new (heavy) Le Creuset.

2.  Knocking on the window and waving to Kyle when Kyle is walking into the house after school.  This is something I always used to do and now Tumnus joins me at times.  In the morning, (if we are up and out of bed), Tumnus and I go to the window and wave at Kyle as he leaves for school.  It's one of my favorite things ever.

3.  Tumnus coming to the window and looking out at me as I am driving away.  That is one of my favorite things he does.

4.  My family coming for our first married Thanksgiving.  All of us crammed into my tiny little kitchen trying to cook on two burners and in my tiny oven.  We were able to cram the 6 of us into my kitchen at my little table and I was able to use my fall placemats and napkins.  I will never forget watching my grandma sleep in my rocking chair and in my little guest bed being so happy that she was able to make the trip.  She will say every once in a while, "I came to your little house, didn't I?  And I slept in that small bed."  She doesn't remember a lot of stuff lately, so it warms my heart when she brings up coming to see me in St. Louis.  For some reason that Thanksgiving all of the food tasted the best it ever has.  I think that's because I felt so involved and it was such a special Thanksgiving.

5.  Watching Kyle and Tumnus greet each other on the porch when Kyle comes home from school or clinic.  They have their own special little greeting and Tumnus gets so excited when Kyle comes home. It's too cute. 

6. Kyle putting a blanket over my eyes before he turns on the light in the morning while I'm still sleeping and then him waking me up in the morning to kiss me goodbye before he leaves for school.

7.  Swimming (or floating) ALL DAY in the rain at Table Rock Lake with friends we met here in Missouri.

8.  Bringing the 9 year old I nanny to my house and going through old jewelry to give her.

9.  Sitting in a big chair with the 5 year old I nanny and reading her books.

10.  Earlier this week, Tumnus found an empty water bottle in the house.  I heard him chewing on it from in another room so I ran in the living room to see what he had.  I decided to take it and throw it and take it and run and throw it and run and take it and throw it and take it and run and throw it.  It's one of our favorite games to play with any object he may be obsessed with at the time.  All the while, Avril Lavigne's "Here's to Never Growing Up" was playing and I got extremely emotional and sentimental thinking, "Please, never grow up, puppy."  I think I wanted us to both stay 25 and 2 forever.  

11.  Sitting around the fire at Brickhouse with my in-laws and shooting the breeze.  Drinking wine at Montelle Winery with them.

12.  Exploring City Museum for the first time with Kyle.

13.  Riding the Ferris Wheel on the rooftop of City Museum with my 5 year old buddy.

14.  Riding the swings at Six Flags with my 9 year old cutie.

15.  Talking a walk with my dad in Chesterfield Central Park.

16.  Shopping with my mom every time she has visited.

17.  Playing Hide-n-Go Seek with Tummy and Kyle. 

18.  Paddle boating by the Art Museum in Forest Park.

19.  We don't have Showtime so every season of Dexter we have to find online.  We snuggle up on the bed and watch Dexter on my computer on Monday nights.  Every episode ends with previews for the next week and we don't like to watch them so when the episode is over we immediately stare at each other with our ears plugged while spouting out anything that comes to mind so we are sure not to see or hear anything about the next week.  It's very ridiculous but it's tradition and I love it.

20.  Every December 1st we exchange Christmas ornaments that we have bought for each other and then hang the rest of our ornaments on our tiny little tree.  This is something I absolutely love to do and it's a tradition we started here in our first home. 

There are a thousand more memories that I'm sure would flash through my montage, but those are just a few.  Needless to say, I'm really, really going to miss my first married home, the friends we've made, the places we love, and the kids I nanny. 

Rutka's Notebook

A little while ago, I decided to take a break from the fiction that I normally read.  I have always loved reading biographies and autobiographies; getting to know the person on a more intimate level.  I love hearing stories from my friend's and family's lives and even stories from stranger's lives.  I think it is why I love to blog and love to read the blogs of people I don't even know.  Stories connect us. 

When I read the blog of another twenty-something girl, I can relate and understand her struggles.  Being in your twenties is an awkward age.  You embrace the freedom of being an adult and being on your own, but at the same time you long for the days when people took care of certain things for you:  bills, groceries, extra spending money, laundry, etc. 

When I decided to read more biographies and autobiographies I immediately wanted to read The Diary of Anne Frank again.  I was in 7th grade when I read her book (so 12 or 13 years old depending on the time of year) and I think I was too young to really appreciate it.  That was also 12 or 13 years ago (holy cow) and so I've forgotten the details and wanted to read it again.  Unfortunately, when I went to the library Monday, my branch did not have the book so I had to request it online to be shipped to my branch. (I swear my branch NEVER has the books I want and there is just something about going to the library, searching the bookcases, finding that book, and checking it out).

So, in order to request the book, I had to search the online catalog for it and in doing so the catalog brought up similar books to my Anne Frank search.  I was looking down the list and saw, "Rutka's Notebook:  A Voice from the Holocaust." The young girl, Rutka Laskier whose notebook had been published, was described as "The Polish Anne Frank" so I figured that would be a nice read as I wait for The Diary of Anne Frank to be at my library.

Before I get into what I am really wanting to say, here's some back story on Rutka Laskier.  She was Jewish and her family (dad, mom, brother, and grandma) lived in Poland. Her diary is written in 1943, more than three years after the Germans conquered Poland.  At this point, she is 14 and is aware that the severity of what the Germans were doing to Jews was way beyond harassing, embarrassing, and demeaning them.  At this point in history, some 2 million Polish Jews had already been sent to camps, where Jews once labored as slaves, to be killed. 

I began to read this 14 year old's diary and I was just so impressed at the level of her writing for only being 14 years old.  I then thought of 14 year old girls I know and the 14 year old girl I was and all I could think of was, "Thank God no one is reading my diary."  Her writing is way beyond that of a 14 year old in this day and age.  It was rather sad actually to think of how my writing was at that age.  What was so interesting though was even though she wrote with more maturity and eloquence, her problems were just the same as 14 year old girls today.  (Obviously, aside from the fact that her people were being mistreated, tortured, and killed).  Amazingly, she does not focus on that part of her life as much as I would have thought.

What were her problems?  What were your problems as a 14 year old girl?  Boys, catty girls, and parents.  1943 Poland provides the same teenage issues as 2002 USA.  Here are a few excerpts from her diary.

Jan. 25, 1943

"Nothing. As usual. Every day is the same, except that Mom gets more upset and screams at me because of [my brother]."

Jan. 26, 1943

"Micka came again with loads of news. Somebody told her I had cut my hair in order to please Janek, that I had put on silk stockings for Janek, and so on.  That's a total lie. As if I even cared about him."

Jan. 27, 1943

"I would like to pour out on paper all the turmoil I am feeling inside, but I'm absolutely incapable.  And now I'll describe my spiritual side as well.  They say I'm smart, educated--that could be, although I never studied, that is I didn't do my utmost.  I have my nuttiness.  Sometimes I am so depressed, that when I open my mouth it's only in order to sting someone.  I love stinging people very much but I do it moderately, because as they say, physical bruises close up, but emotional wounds keep on bleeding. 
Other days, like today for instance, I am bursting with joy and could laugh all day long.  Besides, I'm probably eccentric because I like telling people in the face exactly what I think about them, something not recommended to do in public.  I also sometimes like to dress in a crazy manner; for instance, I once went outside in pants.  Basically, I couldn't care less.  I am who I am and nothing could possibly change that.  See you later, my diary. "

Jan. 28, 1943

"I am stupid, terribly stupid.  Yesterday evening, when Nina and I walked by the old Market Square, I met Micka.  She was walking with Rozka and Minda.  I said 'Micka," and although she clearly heard me, she didn't respond and kept on walking.  I cannot forgive myself for calling her.  Now, between her and me, it's over--finito."

In her problems, you can tell she is a 14 year old girl. This is where I can relate.  I was once a 14 year old girl and often still feel like one when my insecurities creep up.  1943 and 2002 were not that much different, right?  Wrong.  There are things in her diary that she writes about that brought me to tears and that I literally cannot even imagine. 

Boys, I get.  Catty girls, I get.  Parental issues, I get.  Being sent to the gas chambers at Auschwitz with my mother and my brother to die, I don't get.  Watching a soldier grab a few month old baby from it's mother's arms and smash it's head against an electric pylon, I don't get.  Worrying about going outside my home at times for fear of what might happen, I don't get.  Most of all, I don't understand this: 

"The town is breathlessly waiting in anticipation, and this anticipation is the worst of all.  I wish it would end already!  This is torment; this is hell.  I try to escape from these thoughts, of the next day, but they keep haunting me like nagging flies.  If only I could say, it's over, you die only once . . . But I can't, because despite all these atrocities I want to live and wait for the following day.  That means, waiting for Auschwitz or labor camp." (February 20, 1943)

I read that, and re-read that a few times trying to put myself in her heavy shoes.  She lives every day knowing that her fate is Auschwitz or a labor camp and somehow she still wants to live.  I do not understand that.  Is she hopeful that something will happen and that will not be her fate?  Is she wanting to live it up, be a teenager while she still (somewhat) can?  If it were me and I was a Polish Jew in 1943, I would think that I would not want to live knowing the options I had.  It seriously pains me to think of what so many Jews went through.  Not just the end of their lives where they were brutally murdered in such inhumane ways; but also the day to day fear of walking down the street or not knowing when you'd be sent away from your family.

On February 5th, 1943 Rutka writes, "The rope around us is getting tighter and tighter.  Next month there should already be a ghetto, a real one, surrounded by walls.  In the summer it will be unbearable.  To sit in a gray locked cage, without being able to see fields and flowers.  Last year I used to go to the fields; I always had many flowers, and it reminded me that one day it would be possible to go to Malachowska Street without taking the risk of being deported.  Being able to go to the cinema in the evening.  I'm already so 'flooded' with the atrocities of the war that even the worst reports have no effect on me.  I simply can't believe that one day I'll be able to leave the house without the yellow star.  Or even that this war will end one day . . . If this happens, I will probably lose my mind from joy."

(Malachowska Street was a main street in Rutka's town, Bedzin, that the Germans forbade the Jews to use and it was later used as part of the deportation route for the town's Jews)

I cannot and will not ever understand this time in history.  It breaks my heart to know that this happened.

April 24, 1943 was Rutka's last dated entry.  Months later, the Germans liqudated Kamionka (where she and her family had been moved to) and sent its residents to Auschwitz-Birkenau.  Rutka, Henius (her brother), and Dorka (her mother) were immediately sent to the gas chambers.  Her father, Yaacov, was sent to labor and was eventually liberated by American Allied troops. 

Feb. 5, 1943 

"Those who haven't seen this would never believe it.  But it's not a legend; it's the truth."


 Xoxo,

Nicole