The Proposal

I'm engaged!
The minute it happened I wanted to scream it from the rooftops.
This is not because I got some new bling, but because it's such an incredibly feeling when the boy you love and admire gets down on one knee and asks you to marry him.
I just wanted everyone to know that he is mine.
I am so lucky and blessed and get teary eyed just thinking about how special he makes me feel.

So, many people have asked for "details."  I figured I would tell the story on here, so that those who are far or might not hear from me personally could know how it happened.

I came home Thursday night, tired from a day at the zoo with 5 year olds, and crashed.  I had to get up at one to be ready by two because Kyle and his family were coming to get me at two to go to Oklahoma for the weekend.  Had I know what Friday had in store I would have dolled up and actually put thought into my apparel, but whatever.  : )  We left Carlsbad for Norman, OK and arrived there around noon.  We checked into the hotel, then went to Campus Corner to have Chipotle (of course).  We had lunch, then Kyle said "Do you want to go look around campus and go to the fountain and the library?"  He had shown me both of these places the first time I went to Norman in November of 2008.  So I just thought he wanted to go back to be nostalgic.  His family left to go to the shops around Campus Corner and we headed to the fountain.  I was excited because I love sentimental things and so I was looking forward to going back to the fountain.  He had taken me there my first time and had told me that he would go to that fountain when he was at school at OU as a place to get away.

We made it to the fountain, sat down in the same place we had sat before, in front of the inscription that read, "Sus frases nunca me hirieron y siempre me consolaron," which loosely translated is "Your phrases never wounded me and always consoled me."  We sat there and we talked about the time we had been there before.  He asked if I wanted to take pictures, which I always want to do, so I took a couple.  Then he said, "Well . . . do you want to know the real reason I brought you here," I said, "Sure," thinking he was just going to tell me the significance of the fountain again.  Then he said, "When I was at school here, I would come to this fountain and sit and think about the future and I was wondering (at this point he pauses, reaches in his pocket, and gets down on one knee) if you would marry me?"  He opened the ring box and there were two beautiful rings in there.  I was a complete fool.  : ) I just was completely overwhelmed and surprised.  I remember saying, "Well, I wish I looked prettier."  Haha.  Then he began to explain to me where the rings and diamonds came from, but I was still so shocked that I wasn't really listening.  I was just replaying it in my head to make sure it was real. I started crying and said, "Wait, will you start over, I wasn't really listening?"  He kissed me on the cheek and then explained it all again.

The ring is beautiful and the sentimental value of it is priceless.  He took my granny's engagement ring that my mom had and used the white gold in her ring and another ring to make the ring, then had her diamonds put on the ring as well.  It's one diamond in the middle, then two small ones on the side.  Then he also had the wedding band to show me.  That one is his Nanny's wedding ring, and he had more of my granny's diamonds put in that one.  It's white gold with stars with little diamonds in the middle of the stars.  It's so perfect and I love that he went out of his way to find something from our families and put them together to create something so perfect.  I love it.  I stare at it all the time.  But more than the sparkle of the ring, I just love knowing that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  I look at it and think of how sweet, funny, caring, tender, intelligent, and handsome he is and I feel overwhelmed with happiness.  I am so blessed.

The funnest part of being engaged is that I can now look at venues, dresses, etc., and experiencing how tangible this wonderful time is.

I am so excited and I can't wait to marry this boy!

I will have pictures soon.  We took one before the proposal, but I looked so gross from traveling and whatnot that I wasn't too pumped to take any.  Then we went back the next day to take pictures of where it happened, and it was raining!  So, they aren't the most attractive pictures, but they are special.

Here is one from when we sat at that fountain a year and a half ago.

Sunny Days

It's a wonderful thing, living in NM.
Washington was lovely:  always green.
But even with all the green, there was always gray.
While in itself the green against the gray was gorgeous, it could be rather depressing.
I find myself happier in New Mexico.
I attribute my happiness to the sun.
It is difficult to have a bad day when you look out the window and see the beautiful sunshine.
It is even more difficult to feel down when you walk outside, feel the breeze, and the warmth of the sun shining down on you.
Often I walk the neighborhood, feel the sun on my skin, and believe it's somehow just for me.
It's as if no one else feels it or knows how much it brings me to life.
It took everything within me to get out and walk in Washington, but here, I can't wait to be outside.
I anxiously sit in class, eager to be finally be released into the warm sunshine. 
So even though at times I feel lonely, or anxious to be somewhere else, in some other chapter of life, I am and always will be looking towards the sun.

Wednesday

Wednesday was productive.
So, I feel sleepy and great.
I also did some pretty cool stuff in math.
The not cool thing is when I unintentionally think about the concepts later, like in the shower while looking at the tiles of my shower.
I finally did my laundry.
A pair of jeans fit a little bit looser than before.
I walked.
I cleaned my apartment.
All except for mopping the kitchen and bathroom, which I will do on the way out tomorrow.

I am doing the read aloud in my K class tomorrow.
I really hope the kids focus and that tomorrow goes by a whole lot faster than last Thursday did.
My boyfriend comes tomorrow and I am very excited to give him a hug.

The other day, I won my March Madness bracket, which makes up for me losing currently in the American Idol one.  I am just happy I beat a bunch of boys, plus I was in last place up until the Final Four.

I gave plasma yesterday.  I have a weird mark on my arm.  A very nice middle-aged black woman told me that I "look like [I] will be a good teacher."  The last time a stranger commented on my looks, I was told I should be Snow White for Halloween.  Strangers are fun.


I wore my Red Sox hat today and a UNM worker man said, "Red Sox play tonight!"  It was fun.
I helped a girl find a building the other day at school, and I was proud of myself for making conversation as we walked there. 

Anyways, Glee starts next week and I am most excited for this.

Easter Sunday

I know, I know. 
This day is not about me at all, but as much as I am trying to enjoy it, it is just another reminder that I am and will be in this transitional phase of life for another year.
I don't know if anyone realizes how much I loathe moving from one place to the other or coming home for the weekend and having to leave just as soon as I arrive. 

I am incredibly tired of this.
I wish so badly to be in a more stationary state.

I want to have a more permanent home, a more permanent town, and a more permanent routine.  If only just for one year.

But, I know that this cannot happen for quite some time.

I guess that is why I am having such a difficult time today keeping my spirits up.

I am here, my family is home and having lunch with everybody.

Oh, well.

Happy Easter.  I am truly grateful for the significance of this day.

A More Specific and Realistic Focus

Today is a week past my birthday and I would like to think I surpassed my goal. 
My goal was 15 pounds by my birthday, which I did not do. 
But, I have almost lost ten this week to bring my total from when I started to 17.
This has taken a while, but this time I am trying to take it slow and not focus so much on how much I can lose in so little time, but how much I can lose and keep off.

I would like to lose about 12 more, even 17 more, but I am trying to be realistic.  I am trying to focus on my BMI more than anything.  Not on my size and stuff like that, because fashion is fleeting, life shouldn't be.  Yes, I would love to look great in whatever is trendy and cute, but I would rather live longer and look just okay.  I am currently at a 26.  A normal weight BMI for my height would be 18.5 - 24.9.  So I am really close.  Just 8 pounds away from a BMI that is considered normal.  That's really all I want, is to be normal. 

All my life, as long as I can remember having control, I have not been normal.  I have been textbook overweight, and I would love to shake that label.

Dear Self,

Dear Present Self,

I am not happy about what you did, but I forgive you.  Life is a series of little mistakes that you learn from and you grow from.  This is one of them, so learn from it.  You can't change the past, you can only improve the future.  Just forget about it and move on. 

Dear Past Self,

You can't bring me down.  I have already proved you wrong this week and will continue to prove you wrong.  You are beautiful, and I am beautiful.  It is not what's on the outside that makes us that way, but it is our heart that makes us different.  It is our integrity and tenderheartedness that makes us who we are.  So don't ever forget that.

Dear Future Self,

No matter what you do, who you become, or what you look like, you will always be me.  Changes you make will be up to you, and what you feel is right.  Always do what is right, because in the end that's all that matters.  Fight for what you want, what you believe in, and always know that you are loved and have so much love to give.  Never stop being who you are and stay true to your convictions. 


Love,

Us.

April Fool

So I have this seminar.  It's like twice a month.  

In a nutshell, the seminar is a big waste of my time.

I arrive, with completed work in hand, and listen to my professors on their soap boxes.

My completed work, is never handed in.

Perfect example of a big waste of time.

Because it is such a waste of time I thought I would miss the one before Spring Break.

But because they have never been fully clear on the absence rule, I did a little research before skipping.

I should have done more.

Apparently, you have to do make-up work, which I knew, but asking around I failed to ask those who missed if they actually informed the professors that they were gone, or asked what their make-up work was.

It should have been quite obvious to me that those I asked just didn't follow up and ask about making work up.

I should have done even more research and asked if there was another week that I would want to miss more.

Long story short, the week after I missed the Seminar, Kyle asked if I was going to the Red/White game in Oklahoma. 

Well, it was news to me that I was even included.

I asked what date, knowing in my mind that it would inevitably fall on a day that I had a seminar, and it did.

So, needless to say, I am devastated.  I love going to Oklahoma with them.  Plus, they are staying at Cory's casino he works at, and I have never been to the Red/White game, which is basically just a preview of the team that will be playing in the fall.

I have never seen Oklahoma in the Spring, and I rarely get to be with Kyle's entire family.

What some may not know about me is that I have always wanted a big family.  

I begged my parents for siblings when I was younger, and have always wished that my cousins and I were closer.

The thing is, I am so excited about one day being able to have more family, and I love getting to spend time with Kyle's family and getting to know them more.  Which is why I am so sad that I might not be able to go on the trip.  Cory lives in Oklahoma, and I rarely see him.  I just really want to go.

So here is the current situation.  I e-mailed my professor yesterday, with a really heartfelt e-mail, and I am still waiting on an answer.  It has officially been a day.  The last time I e-mailed this professor, it took two weeks (not exaggerating, I e-mailed her on the 13th, she replied on the 27th) and she only replied after I e-mailed her doctoral student teacher inquiring as to why I had not received a reply.  I even tried e-mailing the same heartfelt e-mail to the doc student first, to see if she would just give me an answer, and she said she couldn't make the decision, that my professor had to. 

Here is the e-mail, I am asking those of you who care an ounce about me to read the e-mail, and also to provide input.  If she says no, I cannot miss, should I risk it and go? 

"Professor Flores-Duenas--

I have a few questions about the seminar.  Now, it was never clearly stated as to how many absences we could acquire for this class.  I have a family trip that is extremely important to me coming up on the 16th of April.  Now, I understood that I would have to do make up if I missed a class, and I am prepared to do so.  However, I had to miss the last seminar due to illness, and am in the process of the make-up work, but am concerned as to what exactly will happen if I miss the seminar on the 16th.  Since having to miss the last one, I have tried to find flights out of ABQ after the seminar on the 16th, to meet up with my family later, and there is nothing out of ABQ after 4:00 p.m.  I am somewhat frustrated because I am trying to weigh my options.  The benefits of seeing my family and being together with them, and what I would miss in those two hours on that Friday.  And, obviously, my family is weighing heavier now.  I just don't want to get to the end of the semester and not pass this class, because of my absences. 

I have tried to figure out a way to get to my family and still attend the seminar, but due to the time of the seminar, this is not working out. I need a little feedback from you.  I have done every assignment, on time.  I do not make a habit of missing class, in fact I have not missed but one class this semester of all my classes, which is way less than most students.  I am willing to turn in the work due on that week early, write a paper, etc.  I guess what I am getting at, is this weekend is extremely important to me as I do not get to see this side of my family often, and I am willing to go above and beyond to make up that Friday of April 16th.  Can you provide me with some guidance?

Thanks, 

Nicole Green"

So, if you have any feedback, or advice, please offer it.  

Should I stay or should I go?

Also, you should know that before the semester began, I contacted this lady about the dates of the seminar because I had a date to go to Oklahoma on the 5th of February.  She gave me the dates, the 5th being one of them, and then told me that they had worked really hard to come up with good information for the seminars and that we would benefit greatly from them.  I canceled on the trip on the 5th, only to go and have it be a waste of my time.  I wholeheartedly disagree that I HAVE not benefited at all from any of the seminars.  You should also know that they are a total of two hours.  Two hours!  And, that most of the two hours is spent with them trying to become organized and figure out what we should be turning in.  It's a joke, a complete joke.

Thanks in advance for your help.  

That Girl/This Girl

I watched a couple home videos when I was home this weekend.  In them my age ranged from 7-9 and watching myself brought back feelings I had from about that age range to 15 years old.  Watching them made me realize that I no matter how old I may be, I will always have this little insecure girl with me.

For some reason, she surfaces after looking at pictures other people take of me.  That little girl who so desires to look a certain way reappears and makes me feel less than I know I truly am.  She says to me, "you have always been this way and you always will be."

Well, I say to her, "our 22nd year will be the year."

That girl is my current motivation to quit saying I wish this and I wish that, and start saying, "I will do this and I will do that."


I want this for me . . . and for that little girl that never did quite fit in.

22

I am 22.
I want to have a good year.
I want to be a better person.
I also want to be in a place where I feel secure.
Secure in many things, but mainly one.
And I hate that I'm not.

Patience

An incident occurred in class today that got me thinking.  

I guess it really more than anything made me want to be a teacher.

Hearing, "I just have no patience for that girl," made me remember why I want to be a teacher.

While the ultimate goal is to make sure my students are successful and reach their potential, it is also to provide a safe place for kids who come to school and see it as an escape.

It just donned on me today that I have absolutely no idea what these kids go through at home, and while I would love to believe they have a safe place to lay their head at night, I know that this is most likely not true for every student.

I just can't seem to get the little girl that is not shown grace, patience, kindness, and love at school out of my mind.

I hope she is safe and sound, dreaming pleasant dreams.

I just can't seem to shake the idea that she has had something tragic happen to her.

I hope I don't ever say, "I just don't have any patience for that girl (or boy)."  

Patience is most definitely something that can easily be found . . . if and when we look in the right direction:  Jesus.

Jesus,

Give me patience in the present and the future.  Help me to be a light and a beacon of hope to little boys and girls that live in a world of darkness.

I feel like that little girl told me something for a reason.  

Mr. Fix It

Where is my Mr. Fix It?
I am insecure today and I want someone to fix it, but I know only I can do that.
I don't really know why I am either.

I think it's a amalgamation (new word) of things:

My bangs (pretty much decided that I don't like them--can't wait until they grow out.)
My skin (for some reason I keep breaking out in the same place on my face.)
My arms (I have a weird rash on my arms and it makes me feel dirty.)


In other news, I have given up Diet Cokes.
Kyle has been reading up on them and has told me a lot about the bad things.
i.e. Tells your brain you aren't full, hinders weight loss, etc.
I thought, okay I will just drink tea, but I don't know what to trust with artificial sweeteners, so it's water for me.

It has already made a difference.  Due to not drinking coke, I have almost had five water bottles today, which is my recommended water consumption.

I am excited because I found one of those indestructible metal water bottles and for only $4.99.  All the ones I have seen have been like $20.00 and that's just ridic.

I am back on NutriSystems tomorrow and I am excited about that too.
I just really want to get to a place where I feel confident and good about myself.
I also wish I had a trainer to tone me up.

I need to stick to all of these things I say.
I think I need to start making lists again like sophomore year, I was so disciplined, and I loved it.

Night night!

Meet Me in St. Louis

After waking up at four a.m. I arrived home from St. Louis last night at 8:40 . . . p.m.

I will get the disaster that was yesterday out of the way.

So we woke up at 4 a.m. got ready, left the hotel, and drove from Chesterfield, MO to Dollar Rent-a-Car in St. Ann, MO.

We pull up at Dollar and see that it is closed . . . I had a feeling it would not be open until 6:00.  It was 5:15.

Our flight was at 7.  I was not really worried, because even if it didn't open until 6:00, we were so close to the airport and would be in and at our gate in time.

Eventually a man in a black truck pulled up next to us in front of the gate.   Bill rolled down the window of our Kia Sedona rental and the friendly man said, "Park the car across the street, no one will be here til 6:00.  

I believe he was the same man who told us to be at the Dollar Rental Car at 6:00 to catch our 7:00 a.m. flight.

We parked the car across the street, dropped the keys in a box with Dollar Rental Car Key Return written on it and braved the cold across the parking lot.  We came up to a covering that said "5C".  There was a button next to the word "shuttle" and so I pushed it.  A woman said, "Hello," and we said, "we are at 5C."  Within minutes a shuttle picked us up and we were on our way.  We arrived at the airport about 5:50 a.m., got our boarding passes, checked our luggage, and were in line for security at about 6:00 a.m.  So we shuffled along through the ropes of the security line, were halfway to the TSA identification checkers and a woman in front of me starts waving to people nearing the security line.  They enter the ropes and then are on the opposite side of us and the woman says, "Can they jump the line--they're with me?"  Well, I just stayed silent until Kyle said, "sure."  I wasn't going to be the one to say no, but I intended on it.  I just thought to myself, "Okay, one person going back in line to be with their party, or four people jumping the line to be with their party; which is most considerate?"  They clearly did not do what I would have done.  Not to mention, when they got to the front of the line, there were two TSA agents checking boarding passes and id's and they just stood there not paying attention until Kyle's move finally said, "Excuse me, that guy is open . . . lady, move."  I think they got the clue.

So, we move through security, walk to the gate, I grabbed a People, some Cheez-its, and a Sprite (upset stomach the night before), and we waited to board the plane.  The first leg was perfect.  I read some of Dear John and slept a little bit on Kyle's shoulder.  But it was when we landed in Texas that my day began to look grim.  We get in line as they are about to board our flight from Dallas, TX to Lubbock, TX when the lady says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane going to Lubbock before this flight has not been able to land due to weather so we are going to wait to board this plane until we hear back on the conditions there."  Well, we wait a bit, it doesn't seem to look better, and the lady says, "Flight 1556 to Lubbock is indefinitely delayed."  So we get in line, cancel our tickets, and head downstairs to rent a car and get our bags.  

This seemed like the best decision, and at the time it probably was because we had no idea if the flight would still go our would be cancelled, the other flights later that day and the next day were cancelled, and there were four of us, which was going to be difficult for stand-by.  We got the bags, the car, (about an hour later), and headed for Lubbock in a Ford Explorer from National.  Well, we arrive in Lubbock at about 4:30 Texas time, they wanted to take me to Olive Garden for my birthday, so we ate, and as we were leaving the Olive Garden a women's team from OSU that was on our flight to Lubbock walked in the doors.  They asked them if the flight ended up leaving (which I didn't not want to know) and they said it left at 12:30, which means they landed three hours before us.  I was crushed.  I really wanted to get home and see my family.  So not only did the flight leave, and get there before us, we stopped at Olive Garden so I didn't get home until 8:40 to find my parents with friends.  I got in bed at 9:45, and was out by 10:00.  Yesterday, was one of the most tiring and frustrating days, but the days before were wonderful.

Wednesday, we left town at about 11:30, got to Lubbock, parked the car, got our boarding passes, went through security, and were on a plane to Dallas.   Kyle and I did the Spirit Magazine crossword puzzle, which I love to do with him, and were finished about the time we landed in Dallas.   We arrived and had a two-hour layover so we went to Chili's in the airport there and had dinner.  We got on the plane to St. Louis, Kyle and I watched Ace Ventura:  Pet Detective.  It was my first time and as much as I wanted to laugh hard, I knew I had headphones in and wouldn't be able to maintain a quiet laughter on the plane, so I merely chuckled to myself.  We got about 3/4's of the way through when the captain turned back on the fasten seatbelt sign, and asked that all seats and tray tables be back in their full and upright positions.  We landed in St. Louis, got our bags, then hopped on a shuttle to the Dollar Rental Car in St. Ann, MO.  We got our Kia Sedona, typed in the Drury Plaza Hotel in Chesterfield, MO into the Garmin, and headed that way.  We got there and I was so surprised at how nice of a place it was, because Kyle's school put us up for free one night, and gave us their corporate rate the other nights.  We got there, I showered, and I got into bed excited to see Kyle's school the next day.

We woke up, got ready and left the hotel at about 10:15.  Kyle's interview and tour was at 11:00 so we were all a little antsy just waiting around to go.  His school was about 5 minutes away from the hotel.  We got there and I was so shocked at how nice it was.  He looked handsome in his khaki's and white button down shirt.  We waited in the lobby for about 15 minutes and then a guy named Aaron came down, met us, and introduced us to two other potential Logan students and adults with them, and we head off for our tour.  We started in the library, which is beautiful because the school used to be a seminary so there were gorgeous stained-glass windows with Latin sayings written on them.  We went to one of the study rooms, and it was FULL of replicas of every imaginable part of the human anatomy.  Cindy's phone went off, and that was funny because I could just see embarrassment all over Kyle's face.  We left the study room and he said, "Way to go, Mom, now I won't get into Logan."  We had a good laugh.  We continued the tour, saw the nice break rooms, a classroom, a lab, a couple of cadavers, and the auditorium where he will be graduating in.  It is a really nice school, and I am excited for him to go there.  

After the tour we met with an admissions girl about the course load and things like that.  It's ten trimesters with two weeks  between each trimester and the first four trimesters are said to be the most difficult and no different than med school.  I got overwhelmed just looking at the curriculum but I know Kyle can handle it.  They have a new program that you can get alone or along with the D.C. (Doctor of Chiropractic) and it's a M.S. in Sports Science and Rehabilitation.  He would not start that until the 5^th trimester, if he decides to do so. I think he should do it because it would give him something more and it's not that much more money.  After the admissions lady, we met with the Financial Aid lady, she was not very friendly, but whatever.  We were finally through, so we went to the bookstore to buy a T-shirt.  Bill bought me one for my birthday.  I am so excited for that by the way.  

Then, the moment three of us had been waiting for . . . CHIPOTLE!  There was one about three miles away so we headed there immediately after finishing at the school.  It was so good.  Just like I remembered.  : )  Then we left from there to the trailer park that Kyle will be living in while going to school (and maybe me one day).  We met with the landlord, Jackie, who is the sweetest woman, and she gave us the keys to about four places and gave us the names of three others.  The first one we went to was so sad, and Kyle's mom said it made her want to "slit her wrists."  I could not imagine Kyle living there and it made me sad too.  But we moved on, saw another one, which was not that much better, then knocked on the door of one we saw pictures of, but no one was there.  So we moved on to the next one, and knocked, but no one was there either.  But we called her (Tori) and she said she could meet later that day to show us the place.  So we moved up the street to 915 Doresay, and looked at that one.  It had a musty smell, was painted the worst colors, and had the ugliest bathroom floor (dark green, with black and gold linoleum).  We left and were going to come back and look at Tori's at 7:30 p.m.  We went to the mall, which is like less than a mile away from the trailer park, looked around there, and then got a call from Tori that she could show it to us earlier.  So we left there, headed to Tori's, took a look around, meanwhile getting a call from the other one, Meggan, that she could show us her trailer the next morning.  We told Tori that we would think about it but we had one more to look at tomorrow.  We left there, went back to the motel, and had free food and drinks for happy hour.  Kyle and his parents were stoked because every night at the Drury you get three free cocktails.  I was excited because I got a free diet coke.  They also have chicken strips, baked potatoes, nachos, snack mixes, and popcorn . . . all free.  We went upstairs, they went down to the pool while I showered and got ready for the next day.  Kyle and I watched some March Madness and then went to bed.

The next day, we went back to the trailer park and we looked at Meggan's, hers was bigger by two feet, which made more of a difference than I thought it would, and then looked at 915 Doresay again once more just to remind ourselves of it.  Meggan's was nice,   915 Doresay was our favorite.  It had the most potential, felt sturdy, and had the most private location.  We went to the office and the landlord called the owner, who dropped his price by $3,000, signed the paperwork, and left.  So Kyle will be living at 915 Doresay.  It was exciting for them because it was their favorite and was basically a steal.  They are doing the trailer thing so he can live there, then sell it, and get their money back.  Plus, they will most likely fix it all up and it will probably sell for more.  It was kind of weird looking at it knowing I might end up there with him in a few years.  While it is a trailer, I was excited at the thought of it being a home for me and Kyle.  A house is just a building--it's the people inside that make it a home.  I was ready to get out of there though and see St. Louis.

We went to the Arch, which I loved.  I could have stayed there forever taking pictures of it.  I just thought it was so cool.  We left and went to LeClede's landing, which is a cobblestone road, so cute, which some restaurants.  We ate at Morgan Street Brewery, and then left to go explore downtown.  We came across the Old Courthouse, and went inside.  This was by far my favorite part of the trip.  We saw the courtroom where the Dred Scott decision was made, and explored the rest of the place.  It was so pretty and I just love historical places like that.  I love downtown St. Louis.  We then left to meet Kaleb at the Science Center.  That was a bit of a letdown, but it was nice to see him.  We then left, hung out at the motel for a bit, then went to P.F. Chang's.  It was Kaleb's first time so that was fun to see.  We went back, showered, then watched that gang show on the History Channel.  It was all about the Bloods and Crips, and I found it really interesting.  

So, all in all, minus yesterday, it was a good trip.  I am excited for Kyle, and can't wait for him to be a chiropractor.  He will be great.  

Retraction

I recently posted something on here about a person that I had no intention of anyone (who is close to her or acquainted with her) reading it.  


I would like to submit a retraction (withdraw; a statement or accusation as untrue or unjustified).  I in no way intended that to be read by anyone from my class or the girl who said it.  This does not make it okay, but I would like my character to remain in tact.  I did not post that out of malice or hate.  I am not a hateful person, and I would like it to be said that the aforementioned girl has never been rude, hateful, or anything toward me and I sincerely apologize for what I wrote.  I have actually never even talked to this girl other than in a group setting.  We are merely acquaintances, as are most of the people in my class, which is why I would have never thought anyone from class would read this.  I am very sorry, and feel horrible.  I have cried and cried this morning knowing that I have hurt someone's feelings.  I would NEVER EVER do that on purpose and strive to never unintentionally do that as well. I also fear that I may have burned some bridges, and defamed my character, because I don't know this girl at all, nor does she know me and how I am not a mean person.  Lesson learned, people who you NEVER dream of reading your stuff, will and do come across it for whatever reason.


To those that I hurt, whether it be the girl, or those close to her, I sincerely apologize and think only the best of her.  I just hope all can be forgiven.  People mess up.  People say things, but I am just a girl, whose opinion should not be regarded highly whatsoever.  


Love,


Nicole

Walking Around the World

I really want a pedometer for my birthday.
I want to walk a mile, see how many steps I take in a mile.
I would probably need to walk like ten separate miles and find my average number of steps per mile, then I would use that number for the next part of my plan.


There are 24,901.55 miles around the world at the equator, so I want to see how many days it takes me to walk around the world.  


This would be done by multiplying my average steps per mile by 24,901.55 and then keeping track of how many steps I take a day.


So, I would have to keep the pedometer on at all times, but this would be fun.  


It would probably take a while, but I want a pedometer even if I don't do this.  

My Happy Place

It bothers me that when I go to my mailbox, a place of grave importance to me, I see "F*** You."

Especially on days when my mailbox is empty.  It's like whoever wrote that was right.

But on days when I get mail, it's like right back atcha mailbox.

I'll Take It

Today I walked into class with a friend and a guy in my class said, "Hello Nicole . . Rachelle.  Man, you're dropping weight like crazy."  I said, "Me?" And he said, "Ya."  I giggled and said, "Okay, thanks!"  The thing is, I have dropped about ten pounds, but I kind of stopped and haven't been as diligent, but I thought, "I'll take it!"  As long as it looks like that then that's great.  Plus, the way he said it makes me think that I look as though I have, and that's good enough for me.  It motivated me to keep going though, so starting tomorrow I am getting back on it! 

Though I have somewhat slacked, I have been exercising every day.  I think this lovely weather has really helped me want to more.  I love to get outside in the sunny weather.

Hmmmmmm . . .

I often wonder if I really want to be a teacher. 

So, I can already tell that the next two weeks will be rather long. 
I am kind of excited though because I have really slacked off in areas that I don't want to.
Kyle and I are trying to keep each other accountable, but it's funny because we both didn't do any of the things we are keeping each other accountable for while he was in Albuquerque this weekend.

My things are:
1.  Keeping my apartment clean. (This was hard because I felt like I was washing dishes the whole weekend and I just wanted to spend time with him)
2.  Read my devotion book daily and journal about it.
3.  Walk M W F and do strength stuff T TR S
4.  Doing my Nutrisystems (This is hard because I did exchanges and am still waiting on them.)
5.  Be in bed by 9:30 (This one is my favorite!)

I had a really great weekend.  It's fun when Kyle comes because he brings everyone together.  People like to hang out with them, so I get to inadvertently hang out with people.

Thursday night we had dinner with Brad and Hayley at Chili's.  I like hanging out with them.  Brad makes me laugh with his dad jokes.  I really like to hang out with Hayley because I am still getting to know her.  People interest me, especially people that don't give away everything about themselves at first, and that's Hayley.  I like to watch them together too because you can tell they really care about each other.  Couples like that are my favorite and it's cool that there is someone for everyone.  I also like that they do stuff like this together. 

After the movie we went and saw Brothers and I loved it.  Let's just move past the fact that Jake Gyllenhaal looked amazing and had a really cool character.  Aside from that, the girl that played Isabella, the oldest daughter, was amazing.  The whole time I was thinking, "this girl is going places."  Anytime she would cry, it sold it.  Her name is Bailee Madison and I can't wait to see her in something else.  I really liked the movie and it wasn't at all what I thought it was going to be. 

Friday was quite uneventful.  Zak came over at about noon and then I had to leave and go to class at 2:00.  I came back at about 4:00 and just hung out with Kyle.  I showed him a game I play on the computer called Mahjong Solitaire and he got hooked. I swear he played it like a million times.  Zak came over later and we made some pizza and watched short track skating.  Apollo got DQ-ed ugh.  I am pretty sure having a Canadian reviewer is like the dumbest thing ever.

Saturday was not so much fun.  I woke up at 6:00 a.m. with a really bad stomach ache.  I finally went back to sleep and then woke up at 7:00, feeling worse.  I took some medicine and fell asleep on the bathroom floor, wrapped in my towel.  I don't know why but ever since I was a little girl, I have always laid on the bathroom floor when I was feeling sick.  I woke up at 8:00 on the bathroom floor and went back to my bed.  Kyle woke me up at 9:30 and asked if I needed anything.  There are a few things that can really say a lot about a guy, and the way he treats you when you are sick is one.  I told him I needed Pepto and a Sprite and he came back with Pepto, a Sprite, and a People Magazine.  If you knew Kyle, and you knew me, you would know that meant the world to me.  I love People Magazine and he hates that I spend money on them, so him buying it for me says so much.

 

Later that day we went to see Shutter Island.  I was still feeling a little weird but I wanted to see it.  It was really good.  I was nervous the whole time and jumped in my seat like ten times, but it was worth it.  After Kyle and I went to my apartment where we continued to play Mahjong.  : )  Zak came over later and we played a little trivia, and had quite a few laughs.  It reminded me of Seattle, minus the freezing cold apartment with no cell service and only 4 basic TV channels.

 

Today, Kyle and I went to the 9:15 church service.  They played a video that broke my heart.  So now I am trying to get up the courage to go and give plasma to make some money to give away.  Then we came back to my apartment.  Kyle did some homework, which was extremely entertaining.  He talks to himself like a crazy person, the entire time.  Zak came over and we watched the USA v. canada game and I cried when USA tied it up right in the last 20 seconds, then was so let down when they lost.  Then, Kyle left.  : (  But it's okay.  Just 12 days until I go home again, and then five days until we go to St. Louis!  : )    

Where I'm From

I had to write this poem for my student teaching class.  It ended up being kind of fun, so I thought I would share.  Try it, it's fun.  It's called Where I'm From .  I didn't follow it completely, but if you click on Where I'm From below, it will take you to a website that shows the template of the poem by George Ella Lyon.

Where I'm From

I am from Pinesol, from Bibles and old cassette tapes.

I am from the pool in the backyard I swam in every summer.

I am from front yard baseball, Mr. Dudley's Oreo's, and Mountain Shadow Drive; the street that lead me to school, to friends, and to a house that was home.

I am from grilled cheese sandwiches and "I love you, Mom" notes, from Tetris and Clue, and from dos and from don'ts.  

I am from the practical and rash, from rise and shine and give God the glory.

I'm from bedtime prayers and Price is Right, from Disneyland and black and white.

I'm from tiny Post, Texas where Grandmother lived.  

From the rolls of quarters granddad had and the clip-on earrings that Granny wore.

I'm from the blankie from Grandma that's tattered and torn.

In a cabinet at home are the many home videos, replaying moments I often forget, of the faces of angels and family still here.  

I am from the memories recorded and the stars of the tapes, the voices I hear, and the steps that I take.

Chop Chop

I need to get busy cleaning my apartment.

I don't know when my parents will get here.

I need to write a Children's Book and a Poem for class next week.

I don't know when I will.

I need a hair cut, but it can't be expensive.

I wish I had an established hair stylist.

I am afraid that if I go to someone, they will trim more than I want, and I finally feel like my hair is long after almost two years.

I am trying to grow it out really long.

I know this sounds silly but when I get married, I want it long and beautiful, so I am not cutting it until I get married.

Unless that is a REALLY long time and it just gets unbearable.

I want it like this girl:

Wish List

My mom always said, 

"Wish in one hand, spit in the other; see which fills up faster."  

But, Jiminy Cricket said,

 "When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you."

These are things I hope to have one day:

Boy Meets World Seasons 1-7

                                                                     A Floor Globe for My Living Room

A Southern Style Home with a Nice Porch and Yard

California King-Sized Canopy Bed with a Tempurpedic Mattress

A Nice Dining Room Table

A Rocking Chair for My Dream Porch

To Understand and Be Understood

I have decided that I will never understand so many things.

I will never understand people.
-Why would anyone tell you they are going to meet up with a group of people, whom you know as well, and not invite you to go?
-Why would anyone not think to include you in a mutual group?
-Am I really not that interesting?
-Have I brought it upon myself?

I will never understand why things hurt so much.
-Why is it that you can hear the same thing from two different people, and it only hurts coming from one of them?

I will never understand myself.
-Why is it that my heart is so sensitive?
-Why is it that not hearing from someone can totally alter my entire day?
-Why is it that I hate to be in bed, sleep in late, etc., but I can't wait to go home and be in bed when I am having an awful day?
-Why is it that the one person I want to talk to about everything doesn't understand the way I feel 90% of the time, yet can make me feel loads better?

I will never understand.

Need You Now

I am obsessed with the song Need You Now by Lady Antebellum.  I think I like the melody and most of all, I can really relate to one part of the song:


Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now


I have realized through the course of my long-distance relationship that I often need to talk more than he does.  This gets me in a lot of trouble.  I call to say something dumb or silly, and end up feeling annoying and like I am a bother.  


It's not that I need him, need him, but it's that sometimes just having someone to tell the dumb stuff to is nice. 


I guess this will have to do for a while because my phone issues heighten when I am either about to start my period, on my period, or just coming off of my period.


My solution today:  Blog or just wait for him to call.


Girls are crazy.  I blame Mother Nature. 


In all honesty though, I wish I knew how to not be crazy during my time.